Battle for the vaginal birth

When I was 11 I was told because of my health condition I would likely never have children, unless I were to adopt. I was told this again shortly after I was married. Not a problem, we wanted to adopt anyway. When I was 21 I was late for the first time EVER so I figured, this is it, I must have uterine cancer. I went to the doctor alone because I didn’t want anyone to know yet, especially my new husband. After the doctor revealed the earth shattering news I called my husband and had him come get me. I was sure I was too much in shock to make the short walk home. I got into the car and didn’t say a word. He noticed I was pale and asked why I was there and what happened. I informed him that I was 3 weeks pregnant. He fell absolutely silent for 30 seconds, then said “We’re going to need classical music.”

In the coming months as the pregnancy progressed we were ecstatic and living in bliss with our pending arrival. We were living in a new city for my husband's schooling and had no near by friends or relatives, but we were happy. This was a very small city and they were limited medically, as well as low on prenatal classes, so we were winging it.

 I took an online birth class, and googled pain management but was truly very ignorant of all that is really involved in labour. When my husband graduated he could not find work in his field for 2 months straight. So we packed up, I left the doctor who was following the pregnancy, and moved cities. I was seven months pregnant at the time. When we got moved in we were glad to have friends and family close by again, but it took a little bit to get my prenatal care back on track. I felt like I sort of slipped through the cracks. When I got to see the doctor who was assigned to “catch” my baby he laughed out loud when I told him I wanted a drug free labour and told me “We’ll see how it goes.”

When he took my blood pressure his joking demeanour and the smile on his face quickly faded. He called a nurse in to bring a different cuff and tried again. He shook his head and rubbed his chin at the results and sent us to the hospital immediately. Upon arrival my terrified husband and I were told that I had pre-eclampsia and that the baby and I were in great danger. They would need to induce me right then. It was already evening and visiting hours were coming to an end. They forced my husband to go home, leaving me alone, and scared in the hospital. In my past I was sexually assaulted and am terrified of any kind of vaginal exam as a result. So it was hard when I had to allow a medical student to insert that tab that softens the cervix. He wrapped the string around and around put it in.. I didn’t think that was right, but thought he must know what he is doing he is a medical student, I am just a patient.

Labour progressed through the night. They strapped a fetal monitor on me. And gave me a pitocin drip. I didn’t sleep a wink. I wasn’t offered any food, but I could drink small amounts of water. My husband came back as soon as he was able and I felt better with him by my side. I relaxed a little and as I did, my contractions got stronger and more painful. I did what felt natural and was moaning through them. I was informed by an irritated nurse that I had to be quieter because this was a shared room, and I might be bothering the other women. So, completely ashamed, I stopped making noises. Hours went by and I was checked by a no non-sense nurse.

I tried to tell her I was afraid of vaginal exams but she became annoyed quickly and scolded “Stop crying!” as she forced her way in to check. Finally I was able to go into the delivery wing. There was a wonderful nurse there. She was so motherly and calming. I felt myself calm down and relax. I thought I had to have a bowel movement and went to the bathroom to try to go. The nurse recognised this and had me come out and on to the bed where I can be checked and wait for the doctor. While we waited, the wonderful nurse was off shift and another nurse came in with the same no nonsense nurse as before. She checked me much in the same manor, only this time said over her shoulder to the other nurse “This one is a crier”, then looked back to me “You are not going to cry this time are you?” and they were both laughing about it. I was too embarrassed to do anything else but laugh with them. I cried again during the check. When my doctor finally arrived he noticed in my charts that I had that insert. He decided it was time to take it out. Fine, accept he couldn’t find it, so the nurse tries, she can’t find it. A different nurse tries and also cant find it. This is sheer agony for me, and I loose track of how many people are looking for it in me, and of how long it took. I only became aware of my surroundings again when the doctor was repeating my name until he got my attention and showed me they had finally found it.

Then the doctor buzzes around the room and looks at the foetal monitor charts, and my contractions, and tells me that My baby is probably too big and I may need a c-section. I declined and he offered me an epidural, again I declined. Then he said they would break my water to help the baby drop as she was still very high up there. Once that was done they discovered there was meconium in the amniotic fluid. My doctor said they would need to do a c-section. My throat felt like it was getting too tight and it was hard to breath. I didn’t know what was happening, I just knew I DID NOT want a c-section.

 I remembered somewhere in my research reading about having a whole 24 hours to deliver a baby once waters have broken. I brought this up and my doctor reluctantly agreed “for now” and offered me an epidural before leaving. I declined then he left. I thought this would be a good time to let the night nurse know my wishes for my baby after she is born. I requested that I be allowed bonding time with my baby before the weighing, eye gouping, and cleaning. I told her I wanted to breast feed right away and for my baby never to have a bottle or formula or to be taken to the nursery. This seemed to make the nurse very irate, as if I were undermining her or something. She puffed up her chest, jutted out her jaw and gave a half laugh and said “We will take your baby to the nursery if needed and we will giver her a bottle of formula. That is what happens in the nursery” the tight feeling was back and I thought I couldn’t breathe.

The nurse went on to explain about different procedures that would prevent my wishes. She then went on to talking about how they will do a c-section if needed. The tight feeling got even worse and she called the doctor back in. He examined me and said if I wasn’t able to calm down they would need to do a c-section. My husband held my hand tightly and that was all I thought about for a moment. Just the feeling of his strong, sure hands on mine. They then offered me an epidural yet again but with the promise that it would help us all to relax. I finally agreed. They missed on the first try and tried again. They and got it. The doctor left, and my poor husband was fainting. It occurred to me he hadn’t eaten since he got there that morning, and it was coming on to 10:00pm. I sent him to get food, then passed out for a little bit. I came to when the night nurse was taking blood pressure I asked her for water, but she refused. I hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours and hadn’t had water in about 16 hours. To this day my husband and I are not sure why, but she then began to continue our discussion from before about how they would take my baby if needed and give her a bottle. I began to have trouble breathing again then my husband asserted himself, for the first time since I met him. He angrily asked the nurse why she was telling us all of this. The nurse seemed slightly taken back, then snapped “I need a smoke!” and left.

I was informed that my doctor went home for the night and a new doctor would be taking over. I waited for what seemed like forever to meet him. I went into that labour-land trance where you are pretty sure you are going to die. I don’t know how long this lasted, but the doctor finally came. He suggested a c-section. The night nurse quickly responded that my doctor thought it would be best, but I was able to focus enough to tell him no I wanted a vaginal birth. But my voice sounded so far away and lost in time. Then I remember the night doctor was looking directly in my eyes and calling my name. I focused enough to hear him. He was saying that if I was going to make it through this, I needed to look in his eyes and only there. He told me it was time to push.

I began to push. It was 2:03 in the morning. I pushed, laying on my back, in a semi sitting position with my husband holding one leg and the night nurse on the other. I pushed when they said to for as long as they said to. I was pretty sure my brain was going to explode. All I could here was the blood loudly rushing in my ears. My eyes felt as if they would burst. They announced the baby was crowning. They asked me to push harder than ever before, as I was in the middle of pushing when I felt sudden, searing hot pain and I screamed loudly. I was harshly reprimanded by the night nurse not to make noise. Then the doctor seemed to panic and said “We need to help her out!” He grabbed the forceps and without warning or asking me ripped my baby out of me. It was 2:16. She was quickly whisked away to a table in the corner while the NICU team assessed her. After lots of suctioning she cried. She was alive. She weighed 8lbs even, they reported.

 I asked my husband to go be with her as they stitched me up. When he spoke, I realized it was the first time since she was born. The NICU team informed us that when my husband spoke our daughter actually turned her head towards him. (she is still a daddy’s girl to this day) As they stitched me up, my husband brought my daughter to me, I held her in my arms and I knew that we had won the battle. In a world of doctors and nurses that said I couldn’t, I did. With the help of God and my own determination, my new family and I fought and won!