When I had my first daughter, it was a nightmare… the only good part was that I was handed a baby. Seriously.
I totally could relate to this artwork: http://birthlove.cyclzone.com/pages/csec_vbac/meghan.html
Then I met Rebecca Francis, a doula from Seattle. I told her my birth story… in tears. She told me it sounded like I could have used a doula. I learnt what a doula was… what they do… and how to become one. I thought that women should have the option of professional labour support, should they choose it. The outcomes show that there is a serious benefit. Then one morning, not long after, I woke up and thought that while I still wanted to be a doula, why not be part of the movement to give women a completely different choice of care provider…?
I decided to become a midwife…
Within a month of midwifery education… I wanted a baby!
I THOUGHT I WAS INSANE… but nevertheless!!!!
(I have been told this happens a lot… My first daughter had weaned‘officially’ in September, at age two… so I maybe it was biological in more ways than one….)
Needless to say I wanted my care to come from a midwife, and if I qualified, I wanted to have a homebirth.
I found an amazing midwife… Her partner midwife IRONICALLY had lived up the STREET from us when I had my first daughter. (MAJOR kick in the stomach.)
I had a fantastic pregnancy, I felt really healthy, and very pro-active. I received informed choice and consent on EVERY aspect of my pregnancy. I chose to have an initial blood work up for type, Rh factor, Rubella immunity, HIV, and HBV. I had one ultrasound at about 20 weeks. I qualified for homebirth, but was unable to have it in MY home due to the distance and current legislation. For this reason, Neil and I decided to have the baby in my doula's house.
My Mom arrived on July 15th. When I’m close to having a baby, it’s like I wait for her… I ALSO was waiting on newborn sized baby diapers…. They came on the 18th, at that point I knew I was ready to have a baby. All systems were a go… I just lovingly looked at my birth supplies… it was a weird time.
Throughout the 20th and 21st, I had ‘Pre Labour Symptoms’… sometimes referred to as ‘False Labour Symptoms’ by the Medical Model. It is not that stage of labour which is ‘actively’ dilating the cervix… and is therefore not true active labour… but it is preparing and toning the uterus, effacing the cervix, preparing and toning the mother… It’s the jog before the marathon. On the night of the 21st I knew I’d have a baby soon. I felt a lot more pressure, and was moving into the zone… I called my doula for a heads up. She was planning on going out, and was like ‘Eileen, should I be going out?’ And I was like, ‘Yes, go out… just don’t paint the town red because I’m pretty sure I’ll be in tomorrow.’
By midnight on (the 22nd) I was waking up to a contraction every 20 minutes… they were getting stronger, but not closer together. I’d get a good grip for about 15-20 seconds. This was my first experience with normal labour, as last time I had back labour… I would roll out of bed; get onto all fours, and think to myself, ‘this is bizarre, the sensation goes away between contractions.’ I’d then roll back into bed, and literally fall asleep.
At 4am I woke my Mom up, and told her that we needed to get organized to go to the city, I was 10 minutes apart. She was a bit stressed… we didn’t even have our bags packed… we packed… and ate…I had a bath… and then we waited for Neil and our daughter to wake up. At about 7am our daughter was up… so within 15 minutes I went in and said to Neil, ‘You better get up, we need to head into the city, I’m in labour.’
You should have seen the LEAP he did.
It was so ER… get the woman to the hospital… change your pants… like.
Only… we weren’t going to the hospital… and he needed to calm down.
I was like, ‘Relax, just get dressed and get organized, so you can help me with Ais.’
At 8am we were in the truck, ready…
I asked if we had the tubs…
Neil said, ‘What tubs?’
I said… ‘The ones with the birth supplies….?’
Back in the house he went…
PHEW! THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD!!!!!!!!! (NOT!)
We made it to Rosetown, and we stopped for me to go to the washroom, and get something to eat… the man who was pumping the gas and washing the windows asked Neil if ‘his wife was in labour.’ Neil’s like ‘yep.’ And buddy proceeds to say ‘OH, my girlfriend did that a few weeks ago…’ and tell him the story!!!!
I actually slept between Rosetown and Saskatoon. I was already tired, I told myself ‘YOU NEED TO SLEEP.’ I don’t actually recall any more than ONE contraction between Rosetown and Saskatoon… weird eh?
By 10:30am, we were at my doula’s house.
I had two contractions 10 minutes apart, and then they moved to 8 minutes.
We settled in…
Neil ran to Tim’s to grab me an egg salad sandwich, and then to Booster Juice for a Very Berry Juice, with GO GIRL booster.
While we ate, my midwife arrived to do my blood pressure, take my temperature, and remind me to eat lots, pee on the hour or more, and to just see how I was doing. She also said that she would do a vaginal exam only at my request (I had previously said no VEs in labour), and that she’d stick around, but would only come into my room to check heart tones… Otherwise, she understood I wanted privacy, and would be in the main part of the doulas house, holler if I wanted her.
While we ate, I moved to 5 minutes apart…
We’d all eat, and then I’d hop off the chair…
Mom would hop up, and do the double-hip squeeze, my doula would talk me through the stretch, Neil would encourage me, and our daughter would inform everyone that “her Mom needed to have a baby.”
I ate most of the sandwich, and then we went back upstairs.
That was at 12:30 pm, my midwife and doula told Mom that I’d have a baby by suppertime. I was thinking that while I adored them, they could kiss it!!! I was NOT waiting until suppertime!!!!!
This is when my ability to tell time goes to hell.
I just remember walking… a lot.
We filled the tub, I got into it… I had two contractions, during which nobody could reach me to do the double-hip squeeze… I asked them to help me out… SO MUCH FOR THE WATER. I hated it… it was not an ideal set-up. Lesson learnt.
It was bizarre, when I had a contraction, and after one… I HAD to move. And moving would bring on another one. Bizarre, totally bizarre… I usually was leaning forward but sometimes I leaned back. After one contraction I hit the floor and went into Childs Pose. Everyone was like ‘oh yeah….’ Totally do not know what I was doing… or why, but it worked! There was no slowing me down, or speeding me up… I was completely at the whims of nature and my body.
Nobody told me how to be, where to be… They held the space, and let me labour.
Within a couple contractions my midwife was in the room to check heart tones… I looked at her and asked her to get me a bucket because I thought I might be sick.
She grabbed me the bucket, but it was like I couldn’t vomit up and out… it was just gurgling under the surface, making it to my mouth, and then sliding back down.
^Needless to say, I’m off egg salad and booster juice!
I looked at her and Mom and said that I needed to go to the bathroom.
I sat on the toilet, and BAM, that was when I hit the wall that everyone talks about…
You get that ‘Oh my God, I can’t do this anymore’ and then you start wanting to push… and you are back in charge. I just needed to make it to wanting to push….
I was just glad I knew it was coming… I’d hit the wall, and now I had to scale it… I have no idea how long this part was... to me it’s like a minute of memory, but everyone else assures me it was longer than that!
I sat on the toilet and cried… And then soon after I felt like ‘I give up… I surrender’ and then shortly after I got a sensation that caused me to do a little 3 second grunty push. I looked at my Mom and said, “Mommy help me…” and she started to get upset.
She bent down to hug me… and I literally tried to crawl her. She thought I was giving up… and she didn’t know what to do.
I needed her to get me off the damn toilet.
Communication was obviously breaking down… and I had about 5 seconds of time to speak between urges. It was cryptic.
My doula came into the bathroom and she squatted down to look at my perineum, and then she helped my Mom pull me up off the toilet. She then hollered to my midwife, who was coming into the suite that “we had show,” and that I was starting to push a bit. I was standing in the doorway arms around my Mom, face in her chest… and someone asked if I thought I could move to the couch, so I could rest on it…. I couldn’t talk so I just shook my head ‘no’ and my Mom spoke for me.
They grabbed everything and started hauling it into the bathroom…
Neil came in at some point, and I ended up with my right hand in his hand…
A contraction would hit, I would let out a quick shriek, I would then feel the urge to push for about 3 seconds, and then I’d just stand and moan, and slide side to side.
And then it would happen again.
According to the attendants I only pushed 3 times, but I know it was more like 6 times, they just weren’t there yet!
My midwife told me that the baby was still in the membranes, head out, but that there was a nuchal cord (cord around neck), so she asked permission to AROM (break the waters.) I shook my head ‘yes’ and my Mom spoke for me.
They couldn’t rupture the membranes, they were THAT tough
She then told me that on my next urge, give a push, and have a baby.
I could feel that one shoulder was still in… I shrieked, pushed, and felt the shoulder slide slowly out, and then this wet slippery baby slide out of me, totally ‘in the caul’.
It was so cool.
They then sat me back, and handed her to me between my legs… Ais informed me she was a girl.
A beautiful 8 lbs, 22 inch baby GIRL! (Who felt like birthing a watermelon.)
In a few minutes, I have no idea of time lapse, the placenta was birthed, and my doula said she missed the bin, the midwife said that was ok. Everything sort of became sepia, and I thought ‘wow, I don’t feel very good.’
And then, I was at Cirque do Soleil… watching acrobats in green costumes.
And then I felt movement, I opened my eyes and I could see my midwife over me… everything was still in sepia, but I knew my doulas shirt was turquoise… not grey… so something wasn’t right somewhere.
They rolled me on my side, and I started to see colour again, my doulas shirt was back to being its normal shade.
My midwife asked my permission to give me an injection of artificial oxytocin.
I said ‘yes’ and she gave me a shot in the thigh.
And talk about ouch…. Literally spawned a muscle contraction… which I guess I should have known, but OUCH all the same.
That was when I knew I was hemorrhaging. And that I was scaring the crap out of my husband.
I could see the book ‘Spiritual Midwifery’ and I remembered Ina May teaching her midwifery students to tell the mother to ‘stop bleeding’ in an authoritarian tone.
I told myself to stop bleeding, or I know where I’d be heading….
She massaged my uterus, and they re-latched the baby…
It seems to me that within a minute or so she asked my permission to give me another injection of artificial oxytocin. I said yes… although less enthusiastically!
(It was actually 30 minutes later.)
They made me lay on the floor for what seemed like forever… (think half naked, and wet on a bathroom floor…) then they did a lift, and four of them carried me to the bed.
I lay on the bed through the placenta inspection, and newborn exam…which they did all right beside me so I could partake.
I then ate. Traverna Raviolli. (Now if THAT doesn’t beat hospital food, I don’t know what does!)
And then they put in 6 sutures… ironically on the other side from my last tear! (Proof that comfrey kicks butt.)
The next morning I had breakfast, my midwife came, and I felt like I was coming around.
They got me up to take me to the bathroom, up until this point I had been using a potty in the bed! I sat on the toilet, and I was at Cirque de Soleil, again…. Repeat performance in more ways then one.
I woke up, on the bathroom floor, AGAIN, with my head against the toilet bowl, AGAIN.
And I literally said, “Fuck Around.”
Back into bed, back to using the potty, and just eating and drinking…
Later that day we tried again, this time I told them I was going to pass out, and they hauled me off and onto the floor.
So, the deal was… when I could get up, use the washroom, and NOT see Cirque… I could go home. BUT I had to take it easy for a minimum of 5 days.
That took till the next morning.
We’re fantastic though… She has not a mark on her, and came out rooting and feisty.
I didn’t feel polluted, or groggy.
And I feel like I have had this amazing experience… not the romantic waterbirth, by all means. But I did give birth on MY terms. I have found something in myself that I didn’t know was there… at this point I can’t even explain it, but when I can, I will fill you all in.
I have this bumper sticker that says “Women of the Earth, Take Back Your Birth.”
And I keep looking at it….
That’s what I did….
On some level, something that was injured at my first daughter’s birth has healed.
You can heal too….
Saturday, November 28, 2009
The Birth of My First Daughter… A Lesson in WHAT NOT TO DO.
Well, when I was first pregnant I wanted to have midwifery care, but there was no midwife to be had in my area that I knew of. At the time, the nearest midwife was 5 hours away…. So, I opted for a GP. I actually switched at 4 months, because I felt that she wasn’t spending the time necessary to answer my questions which made me uncomfortable. I then switched to another GP who I liked. But, my husband (partner at the time) was in university, so in September, we moved back to Saskatoon and were therefore two hours from the GP I had been seeing.
My Mom lives in Nova Scotia, she flew in on the 21st of September… she kept saying that I would have the baby before she got there, and I kept saying I’d wait for her…. I started feeling restless and ‘funny’ as soon as I saw her at the airport! That Friday, Neil, my partner, headed back to our farm… a 2 hour drive, to continue with harvest…. About 15 minutes later I lost my mucous plug. But I was determined to wait until he got back on Monday!!!
All day and all night Saturday I had contraction about every 10-12 minutes apart. Sunday morning my Mom and I woke up, had tea, watched Coronation Street…. She cooked some eggs, but I couldn’t eat them. She grilled some zucchini and I devoured it. We went out that evening to a friend’s restaurant… nothing appealed to me at all… I was just not feeling myself… and my pelvis and back were really ache-y, I just could not get the sensation to release. I lay in bed Sunday night… the contraction started coming every 3-5 minutes apart…. I would fall asleep, wake up, look at the clock…. 10:32…. 10:35… then every once in awhile I would wake up at say 11:02 and feel like I had slept… even though the last contraction was at 10:59.
By Monday at noon I was really uncomfortable, pacing the floor, and crying, afraid to go to the hospital, wondering WHEN THE HELL Neil was going to come home. My mom and I were wondering if we should drive all the way home or go to the city hospital…. Her head was very much engaged, so after thinking about sitting for two hours with the pain I had through my back and pelvis, I opted for the city hospital even though I knew I’d have an intern situation. I remember telling my Mom that I just wanted to stay home and not go anywhere… and she told me that if her friend Christine was here, we could maybe do that. (She’d had 5 kids.) But since my Mom ‘only did it once’ that was NOT an option.
Neil called at 11am…. I told him I was fine. Mom called him back and told him to quit playing farmer and get in here. He called an hour later. Theoretically he should have been half way there… I answered the phone…
‘Does your Mom want a blade roast or some T-Bones?’
’WHERE are you?’
’In the basement, getting meat.’
The rest is censored. I basically told him that me being in labour, trumps picking up meat, and to get in the car….
Oh, and that his job of ‘driving the woman to the hospital’ was being replaced by my Mom…. Who was already starting the car, and loading the bag.
We got lost driving to the hospital…. I don’t remember much except going across the city bridge like 5 times, while my Mom cried and apologized, and I tried to tell her it was ok, I didn’t want to go anyway.
We arrived… at the wrong entrance… nothing like having contractions and being stared at by strangers…. Finally a lovely old man wheeled us a wheelchair. Mom wheeled me to the other end. I was admitted into ‘Labour Assessment.’
Neil arrived…. Along with my Dad, step mom, and half-brother who is actually only 3 months older then Aislynn. The RN checked me, and said I was 3-stretch-4 cms…. I couldn’t believe it… I had waited until I was 3 minutes apart, a minute long, for OVER and hour… what… the…? The RN asked me if I wanted to go in the Jacuzzi. I said sure… so I headed a couple rooms down… there was this awkward moment when she told me to get in, and I asked what I wore…. She said ‘you go naked’ and I wanted to just die. Then a contraction hit, and I no longer gave a shit.
I got in, and it felt pretty good. I was there for hours…. They brought me a ‘clear plate’ consisting of soup broth and jello…. Oh, and apple juice. I drank the juice. Chicken and me didn’t mix in my pregnancy, and I would never eat jello. About the time I decided I was done, Neil bumped the tray and it flew all over. Comic relief I’m telling you.
I had to get out a few times, to be checked…. 3-stretch-4, 3-stretch-4, 3-stretch 4, 3-stretch-4…. Oh and 3-STRETCH-4.
So the Dr on call decided that I wasn’t allowed in the Jacuzzi anymore. I had to walk. So I walked… until I couldn’t stand it anymore…. Then I sat in a rocking chair… I was trying desperately to find counterpressure.
Then I went back to the ‘Labour Assessment’ room. The Dr check my cervix, only this time he had a half a dozen interns… nobody asked if that was ok… it was ‘everyone take a turn’…. When he did it the second time, he pushed on my cervix during a contraction. This pain shot up my spine, and I literally went into the bridge position. He pushed me down, told me I was still 3cm. It was now 9pm. I had been there for 9 hours. He then marked my sheet as ‘failure to progress’ and told me that I had two options because he was sure I would need a c-section. I should have made progress by now.
Option 1: Get an epidural, start the Pitocin, wait a bit, IF I made it to 4-stretch-5cms they’d break my water… then I might deliver vaginally. He then added that he ‘doubted that I would deliver vaginally at this point though, so it made sense to place the catheter’.
Option 2: “Stay like this, and then be put under when you need the c-section, because at this point you will never progress”.
Exact words, nice eh?
Is that really two options???
SO you have passed med school… maybe try CHARM school!
It would be a frosty Friday in hell before I was going to be put to sleep around this man… so I opted for the epidural, even though that had always been the second last thing I wanted.
They moved me to delivery at 9pm, and had an IV inserted. They started the Pitocin.
Later that evening I was prepped for the epidural… By this time I was losing track of time.
I was terrified while it was being done. I asked her to put the tube in but no medication... she said they couldn't do that because they needed to be sure it would work for a c-section. She did say that I could have a low dosage though, and that if it proved to work they would discuss turning it off... so long as I showed some progression.
I was only suppose to have one person there while she but the needle in. But I had to have two, one was my support, one was the person who signed the consent, since I was ‘incapable.’ My husband held one side of me. My Father held the other... I can still vividly remember how sick my husband looked. I can also vividly remember how hard my Father pushed on me.... and his whisper telling me ‘not to move or I'd never walk again.’ That was in the early morning.
I waited to feel the pinch in my legs, or a twitch that she told me to watch for. Nothing.
I laid back... was catheterized, became weirdly numb, and dilated.
At 4 cm they broke the amniotic sac.
They turned the epidural down at 5cm, and switched it off at 6cm… they had been switching me side to side because the medication was not having the ‘desired’ effect.
I was not very comfortable… being on my back had been the most painful, and now here I was ON MY BACK with a quarter of my body numb and everything else in varying degrees of NOT numb… catheterized and bed-bound. I wasn’t about to complain either, I didn’t dare. I just kept rolling my pelvis as much as I could. The catheter was not placed permanently… on one occasion I remember saying I had to pee, and the Nurse pushed on my bladder and said I ‘was fine’. I remember saying I could feel it, and she told me I couldn’t. My only option was to soil myself in the bed, on the chux pad.
FINALLY, by about 3:40am, the RN announced I was at 10cm.
The Dr came in and said we’d practice pushing… “we’d”… Yeah.
I did one practice push, but it was hard, because even though I wasn’t numb, I really didn’t feel like I need to push… I felt more like I needed to take a break. I did anyways though, like I said previously… I didn’t dare comment. I was so scared.
I pushed a few times… 3 including the ‘practice.’ My Mom had to leave for the last one. The RN told her to just stay out until the baby was born… my Mom told her that she was “going to go get a drink, put her head between her legs, and she’d be back”.
He then told me that the baby was OP, and that he’s have to use the vacuum to bring her head back, so it could go up, and out. He used the vacuum for a push… it was awful. Even now I remember the feeling of it snapping open inside of me. It still makes me feel kind of sick. I pushed once more, he said that this wasn’t working; she was stuck. He ordered the epidural back on and then told the RN to go and put me on the list for the next available OR.
That’s when the machines started beeping….
The RN had walked out, I looked around, my Mom looked at me… looked at the machine, I looked at Neil… he said ‘What the hell?’ The Dr said the baby was ‘in distress’….
So I pushed…. With no urge, I pushed… and when I held it till I couldn’t hold it anymore, and then I took another breath and pushed again.
My Mom said, “Oh yes, I see her head, she’s coming.”
The Dr yelled, “YOU CAN’T DO THIS. STOP!”
Out she came.
Into the ‘one-gloved’ hands of one not-too-impressed OB/GYN.
And she was so perfect….
The RN came in, to a BABY!
A beautiful 8lbs 2 oz, 22 inch baby GIRL!
The pushing had lasted not even 5 minutes.
The stitches took significantly longer…. 148 in total…. 45 minutes by two OB/GYN’s
I wasn’t allowed to shower, because the postpartum RN’s felt that I was too exhausted.
My IV was left on a drip-rate that was too high… I was later told by accident. But, nevertheless, at 6am I had to use the washroom… even with the RNs assistance I ended up passed out on the floor. I ripped stitches.
My daughter developed a case of jaundice that lasted 6 days… for the first 4 days she was in the nursery because apparently they didn’t have a moveable bili-light. While she was there she was started on formula, without my consent. An RN actually told me that “I was 20 years old, and 20 year olds don’t succeed at breastfeeding.” At the time she really upset me, I cried and cried… but she also gave me the opportunity to prove her wrong.
On Day 5, a fabulous Nurse, who’s name is Christine, brought my baby back to me… in a MOVEABLE bili-light.
On Day 6, another fabulous Nurse, who’s name escapes me, was the first RN to ASK to check my peri-pad and actually give me privacy while doing so.
On Day 6, late afternoon, we went home!!! I battled everyday for 4 months to get my daughter back to breastfeeding, and I succeeded. I had backaches for months from where the epidural catheter was placed… up. My husband and I lived a-sexually for 7 months while the damage to my body healed.
I was just another woman with another horrifying story.
I swore I would never have any more children, just as my Mother had never had any more children.
And then I met Rebecca Francis… a doula from Seattle.
Stay tuned for: The Birth of My Second Daughter… How I Came To Give Birth In A Bathroom.
My Mom lives in Nova Scotia, she flew in on the 21st of September… she kept saying that I would have the baby before she got there, and I kept saying I’d wait for her…. I started feeling restless and ‘funny’ as soon as I saw her at the airport! That Friday, Neil, my partner, headed back to our farm… a 2 hour drive, to continue with harvest…. About 15 minutes later I lost my mucous plug. But I was determined to wait until he got back on Monday!!!
All day and all night Saturday I had contraction about every 10-12 minutes apart. Sunday morning my Mom and I woke up, had tea, watched Coronation Street…. She cooked some eggs, but I couldn’t eat them. She grilled some zucchini and I devoured it. We went out that evening to a friend’s restaurant… nothing appealed to me at all… I was just not feeling myself… and my pelvis and back were really ache-y, I just could not get the sensation to release. I lay in bed Sunday night… the contraction started coming every 3-5 minutes apart…. I would fall asleep, wake up, look at the clock…. 10:32…. 10:35… then every once in awhile I would wake up at say 11:02 and feel like I had slept… even though the last contraction was at 10:59.
By Monday at noon I was really uncomfortable, pacing the floor, and crying, afraid to go to the hospital, wondering WHEN THE HELL Neil was going to come home. My mom and I were wondering if we should drive all the way home or go to the city hospital…. Her head was very much engaged, so after thinking about sitting for two hours with the pain I had through my back and pelvis, I opted for the city hospital even though I knew I’d have an intern situation. I remember telling my Mom that I just wanted to stay home and not go anywhere… and she told me that if her friend Christine was here, we could maybe do that. (She’d had 5 kids.) But since my Mom ‘only did it once’ that was NOT an option.
Neil called at 11am…. I told him I was fine. Mom called him back and told him to quit playing farmer and get in here. He called an hour later. Theoretically he should have been half way there… I answered the phone…
‘Does your Mom want a blade roast or some T-Bones?’
’WHERE are you?’
’In the basement, getting meat.’
The rest is censored. I basically told him that me being in labour, trumps picking up meat, and to get in the car….
Oh, and that his job of ‘driving the woman to the hospital’ was being replaced by my Mom…. Who was already starting the car, and loading the bag.
We got lost driving to the hospital…. I don’t remember much except going across the city bridge like 5 times, while my Mom cried and apologized, and I tried to tell her it was ok, I didn’t want to go anyway.
We arrived… at the wrong entrance… nothing like having contractions and being stared at by strangers…. Finally a lovely old man wheeled us a wheelchair. Mom wheeled me to the other end. I was admitted into ‘Labour Assessment.’
Neil arrived…. Along with my Dad, step mom, and half-brother who is actually only 3 months older then Aislynn. The RN checked me, and said I was 3-stretch-4 cms…. I couldn’t believe it… I had waited until I was 3 minutes apart, a minute long, for OVER and hour… what… the…? The RN asked me if I wanted to go in the Jacuzzi. I said sure… so I headed a couple rooms down… there was this awkward moment when she told me to get in, and I asked what I wore…. She said ‘you go naked’ and I wanted to just die. Then a contraction hit, and I no longer gave a shit.
I got in, and it felt pretty good. I was there for hours…. They brought me a ‘clear plate’ consisting of soup broth and jello…. Oh, and apple juice. I drank the juice. Chicken and me didn’t mix in my pregnancy, and I would never eat jello. About the time I decided I was done, Neil bumped the tray and it flew all over. Comic relief I’m telling you.
I had to get out a few times, to be checked…. 3-stretch-4, 3-stretch-4, 3-stretch 4, 3-stretch-4…. Oh and 3-STRETCH-4.
So the Dr on call decided that I wasn’t allowed in the Jacuzzi anymore. I had to walk. So I walked… until I couldn’t stand it anymore…. Then I sat in a rocking chair… I was trying desperately to find counterpressure.
Then I went back to the ‘Labour Assessment’ room. The Dr check my cervix, only this time he had a half a dozen interns… nobody asked if that was ok… it was ‘everyone take a turn’…. When he did it the second time, he pushed on my cervix during a contraction. This pain shot up my spine, and I literally went into the bridge position. He pushed me down, told me I was still 3cm. It was now 9pm. I had been there for 9 hours. He then marked my sheet as ‘failure to progress’ and told me that I had two options because he was sure I would need a c-section. I should have made progress by now.
Option 1: Get an epidural, start the Pitocin, wait a bit, IF I made it to 4-stretch-5cms they’d break my water… then I might deliver vaginally. He then added that he ‘doubted that I would deliver vaginally at this point though, so it made sense to place the catheter’.
Option 2: “Stay like this, and then be put under when you need the c-section, because at this point you will never progress”.
Exact words, nice eh?
Is that really two options???
SO you have passed med school… maybe try CHARM school!
It would be a frosty Friday in hell before I was going to be put to sleep around this man… so I opted for the epidural, even though that had always been the second last thing I wanted.
They moved me to delivery at 9pm, and had an IV inserted. They started the Pitocin.
Later that evening I was prepped for the epidural… By this time I was losing track of time.
I was terrified while it was being done. I asked her to put the tube in but no medication... she said they couldn't do that because they needed to be sure it would work for a c-section. She did say that I could have a low dosage though, and that if it proved to work they would discuss turning it off... so long as I showed some progression.
I was only suppose to have one person there while she but the needle in. But I had to have two, one was my support, one was the person who signed the consent, since I was ‘incapable.’ My husband held one side of me. My Father held the other... I can still vividly remember how sick my husband looked. I can also vividly remember how hard my Father pushed on me.... and his whisper telling me ‘not to move or I'd never walk again.’ That was in the early morning.
I waited to feel the pinch in my legs, or a twitch that she told me to watch for. Nothing.
I laid back... was catheterized, became weirdly numb, and dilated.
At 4 cm they broke the amniotic sac.
They turned the epidural down at 5cm, and switched it off at 6cm… they had been switching me side to side because the medication was not having the ‘desired’ effect.
I was not very comfortable… being on my back had been the most painful, and now here I was ON MY BACK with a quarter of my body numb and everything else in varying degrees of NOT numb… catheterized and bed-bound. I wasn’t about to complain either, I didn’t dare. I just kept rolling my pelvis as much as I could. The catheter was not placed permanently… on one occasion I remember saying I had to pee, and the Nurse pushed on my bladder and said I ‘was fine’. I remember saying I could feel it, and she told me I couldn’t. My only option was to soil myself in the bed, on the chux pad.
FINALLY, by about 3:40am, the RN announced I was at 10cm.
The Dr came in and said we’d practice pushing… “we’d”… Yeah.
I did one practice push, but it was hard, because even though I wasn’t numb, I really didn’t feel like I need to push… I felt more like I needed to take a break. I did anyways though, like I said previously… I didn’t dare comment. I was so scared.
I pushed a few times… 3 including the ‘practice.’ My Mom had to leave for the last one. The RN told her to just stay out until the baby was born… my Mom told her that she was “going to go get a drink, put her head between her legs, and she’d be back”.
He then told me that the baby was OP, and that he’s have to use the vacuum to bring her head back, so it could go up, and out. He used the vacuum for a push… it was awful. Even now I remember the feeling of it snapping open inside of me. It still makes me feel kind of sick. I pushed once more, he said that this wasn’t working; she was stuck. He ordered the epidural back on and then told the RN to go and put me on the list for the next available OR.
That’s when the machines started beeping….
The RN had walked out, I looked around, my Mom looked at me… looked at the machine, I looked at Neil… he said ‘What the hell?’ The Dr said the baby was ‘in distress’….
So I pushed…. With no urge, I pushed… and when I held it till I couldn’t hold it anymore, and then I took another breath and pushed again.
My Mom said, “Oh yes, I see her head, she’s coming.”
The Dr yelled, “YOU CAN’T DO THIS. STOP!”
Out she came.
Into the ‘one-gloved’ hands of one not-too-impressed OB/GYN.
And she was so perfect….
The RN came in, to a BABY!
A beautiful 8lbs 2 oz, 22 inch baby GIRL!
The pushing had lasted not even 5 minutes.
The stitches took significantly longer…. 148 in total…. 45 minutes by two OB/GYN’s
I wasn’t allowed to shower, because the postpartum RN’s felt that I was too exhausted.
My IV was left on a drip-rate that was too high… I was later told by accident. But, nevertheless, at 6am I had to use the washroom… even with the RNs assistance I ended up passed out on the floor. I ripped stitches.
My daughter developed a case of jaundice that lasted 6 days… for the first 4 days she was in the nursery because apparently they didn’t have a moveable bili-light. While she was there she was started on formula, without my consent. An RN actually told me that “I was 20 years old, and 20 year olds don’t succeed at breastfeeding.” At the time she really upset me, I cried and cried… but she also gave me the opportunity to prove her wrong.
On Day 5, a fabulous Nurse, who’s name is Christine, brought my baby back to me… in a MOVEABLE bili-light.
On Day 6, another fabulous Nurse, who’s name escapes me, was the first RN to ASK to check my peri-pad and actually give me privacy while doing so.
On Day 6, late afternoon, we went home!!! I battled everyday for 4 months to get my daughter back to breastfeeding, and I succeeded. I had backaches for months from where the epidural catheter was placed… up. My husband and I lived a-sexually for 7 months while the damage to my body healed.
I was just another woman with another horrifying story.
I swore I would never have any more children, just as my Mother had never had any more children.
And then I met Rebecca Francis… a doula from Seattle.
Stay tuned for: The Birth of My Second Daughter… How I Came To Give Birth In A Bathroom.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Birth Announcement
After three days and three nights on a gentle journey, Daniel emerged. He opened his eyes and bathed in the silence and awe shared by all who were present. Home is where your story begins....welcome.
Monday, November 9, 2009
My Birth Story Part I
I was 19 when I surprisingly ended up pregnant with my first child. I was young, naïve, idealistic and well … scared shitless. During my 4th month of pregnancy my partner and I moved to Dundurn, which is 15 min South of Saskatoon. I managed to find a care provider in about a month to take over my pre-natal care. The pregnancy went smooth. At the end of December my Care Provider checked my cervix. I was a cm dilated.
I was worried that my partner who worked on the road would be unable to make it home if I called him when I actually hit the labor stage. I called my mom and she came to stay with me for a few days and finally insisted after 3 days she was not going to leave until I called my partner and told him to come home. So I obeyed my moms orders and my partner was back the next day. We waited impatiently for 12 days before those labor pains finally kicked in on January 12th 2006 at 10 am.
My contractions started and stayed at 5 min apart from the onset. At 11:30am I called the hospital and they told me to come in. My partner was surprisingly calm. Even made a stop at the McDonalds drive through. He was considerate enough to ask me if I wanted a cheese burger too. At the time I was “what the hell?“ but it served as a good story afterwards. At 12:30 I arrived at the hospital, they checked my cervix, a disappointing 3 cm with 3 min apart contractions.
I could not stand upright and the nurse insisted I get my butt out of bed and do some walking. Grudgingly I paced to the bathroom and back to the bed. That was in between having to lay down for the many pelvic examinations by this intern Dr and this student nurse. I remember thinking to myself after the 20th one that I might as well walk around naked because everyone in the world had their fingers in me. Anyone else want a shot?
At 2:30 and 5 cm dilated my contractions were steady and with not much rest in between. They offered my something for pain and as soon as I could nod my head I was whisked off for an epidural. At the time it was wondrous not feeling anything from the ribs down that is until it was time to deliver. My Dr. came in, in between delivering the 4 babies that women were having at the same time as me, broke my water when I hit 10 cm which was a awful pea soup that she told me was meconium and insisted on showing me and my partner (who turned the same color) It was explained that they would whisk the baby off right away to suction and monitor for aspiration.
I had not clue what the heck they were talking about. She told me that I was ready to push. “ready?, Ready? I cant feel a f_ing thing how do I know if I pushing and when?” The nurse stared at the EFM told me when to push. My baby went under distress right after my second push and I was told to push that baby out now. They fired up the vacuum right next to my head and said you have less that a minute or we'll have to use it. I bared down with everything in me and pushed out my 5lb 10 oz baby girl in 2 mighty pushes.
She was born at 6:17 pm. I got to hold her an hour later after they finished “observing” and suctioning her. They gave me one chance to push out my placenta. I peed instead. They decided my membranes were just too thin to see so they sat me up and shipped me off to recover. Of course I had a massive infection due to retained membranes that took a week of IV antibiotics to rid myself of.
I was sorely disappointed about my labor. It was not what I wanted and I felt violated and felt that my massive infection was due to the dr’s being too busy to care. I figured I would not have another baby for at least 5 yrs or never. Well that lasted for 2 yrs. See My Birth Story Part II.
My Birth Story Part II
I moved to Kindersley and I became pregnant with my son shortly after when my daughter was 18 months old. I vowed I would not have a birth like my first. The only way to change that was to educate myself on what contributed to the factors that led to the disappointment of my first. After doing so I decided on a non-medicated L&D.
The pregnancy was not easy on me. I was ill a lot and at 30 weeks I was put on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy due to the fact I was leaking amniotic fluid. Their was talk of an induction if I lost any more fluid. I was thinking the whole time (and there was a lot of time with bed rest) that “great so much for my better birth.”
Induction would have ruined that for me. Luckily my body and my baby boy held out to 39 weeks. My sister-in-law had just had her baby. My partner asked if I would like to go with him to see his sister. I had a feeling I was close to going into labor and opted to stay home and not make the 2 hour trip to Saskatoon. That and I didn’t want to end up delivering in the same hospital again. My partner got back from Saskatoon at midnight.
I went into labor 15 min later. I was adamant that I was not going to be at that darn hospital at 3 am so I thought I would catch some sleep and hope the labor progressed nice and easy. At least till the morning. The contractions were strong enough to wake me around 3:30 am so I got up had a drink and a bite to eat and headed to the computer to waste some time. All the while I made an attempt to move around as little as possible.
Like I said I was NOT having this baby before morning. At 5:30 am the contractions really started to smart so I thought I would have a warm bath to off set the pain. I got as far as dipping my butt in the water for 10 seconds before the contractions really hit and fast. They were less than a minuet apart. It took me 20 min to get myself out of the bath and dressed thinking the whole time that I was going to have this baby on the bathroom floor alone and when I only lived a half a block from the hospital.
I didn’t think they would believe that I just couldn’t make it on time J . I managed to get to the phone and call my mom to come watch our daughter at 6 am. When I made it to the hospital I was hunched over holding onto the nursing desk when the nurse looked up she said wow u don’t look good what’s the matter. I looked up and bellowed “I’m in labor, I’ve had better days”
Then off to the delivery room I was whisked. My partner talked with the nurse and filled out the paper work because at that time all I could say was “pfffft, pffft ahhhhhh whooo” you know the usual labor language. They managed to help me get a gown on. Not sure why they bothered. They checked me and I was 9 cm dilated. The Dr. was called in and clacked into the room wearing her high heels 10 min later. I was wondering to myself how she expected to catch my baby in those shoes. For some reason the clinic had not sent my pre natal papers to the hospital yet. They were concerned what my group B strep status was.
I’m in the bed thinking “little late for that now isn’t it” The Dr. still insisted that she needed to go to the clinic and grab those papers. No sooner than she pulled out of the parking lot than I suddenly had the urge to push. The nurses panicked calling the Dr. telling her to get back NOW! They tried to get me to hold off pushing. I will tell you now that is TORTURE! They brought over some nitrous to help alleviate the pain I took one whiff and threw it. That stuff was poison it made me feel sick.
I was in transition but Ill blame it on the nitrous anyway. I said I’m going to push and one of you better be ready to catch this baby. The words left my mouth and I heard the clack, clack, clack of the Dr.s high heels running down the hall with her yelling “I’m coming, I’m coming) She perched below me while I tried to move myself into a better position. The contractions didn’t cooperate with me and it was slow moving ( a few inches at a time) between contractions before I managed to perch myself with my butt hanging mid air off the bed.
My Dr. said its time to go. If you not pooping your not pushing hard enough! That got a good laugh out of all of us. I felt every part of the wondrous delivery and It was great. Yes of course it smarted but I did at all my self. I delivered a healthy 6 lb 5 oz baby boy at 7:15 am.
Jenny Andrew
I was 19 when I surprisingly ended up pregnant with my first child. I was young, naïve, idealistic and well … scared shitless. During my 4th month of pregnancy my partner and I moved to Dundurn, which is 15 min South of Saskatoon. I managed to find a care provider in about a month to take over my pre-natal care. The pregnancy went smooth. At the end of December my Care Provider checked my cervix. I was a cm dilated.
I was worried that my partner who worked on the road would be unable to make it home if I called him when I actually hit the labor stage. I called my mom and she came to stay with me for a few days and finally insisted after 3 days she was not going to leave until I called my partner and told him to come home. So I obeyed my moms orders and my partner was back the next day. We waited impatiently for 12 days before those labor pains finally kicked in on January 12th 2006 at 10 am.
My contractions started and stayed at 5 min apart from the onset. At 11:30am I called the hospital and they told me to come in. My partner was surprisingly calm. Even made a stop at the McDonalds drive through. He was considerate enough to ask me if I wanted a cheese burger too. At the time I was “what the hell?“ but it served as a good story afterwards. At 12:30 I arrived at the hospital, they checked my cervix, a disappointing 3 cm with 3 min apart contractions.
I could not stand upright and the nurse insisted I get my butt out of bed and do some walking. Grudgingly I paced to the bathroom and back to the bed. That was in between having to lay down for the many pelvic examinations by this intern Dr and this student nurse. I remember thinking to myself after the 20th one that I might as well walk around naked because everyone in the world had their fingers in me. Anyone else want a shot?
At 2:30 and 5 cm dilated my contractions were steady and with not much rest in between. They offered my something for pain and as soon as I could nod my head I was whisked off for an epidural. At the time it was wondrous not feeling anything from the ribs down that is until it was time to deliver. My Dr. came in, in between delivering the 4 babies that women were having at the same time as me, broke my water when I hit 10 cm which was a awful pea soup that she told me was meconium and insisted on showing me and my partner (who turned the same color) It was explained that they would whisk the baby off right away to suction and monitor for aspiration.
I had not clue what the heck they were talking about. She told me that I was ready to push. “ready?, Ready? I cant feel a f_ing thing how do I know if I pushing and when?” The nurse stared at the EFM told me when to push. My baby went under distress right after my second push and I was told to push that baby out now. They fired up the vacuum right next to my head and said you have less that a minute or we'll have to use it. I bared down with everything in me and pushed out my 5lb 10 oz baby girl in 2 mighty pushes.
She was born at 6:17 pm. I got to hold her an hour later after they finished “observing” and suctioning her. They gave me one chance to push out my placenta. I peed instead. They decided my membranes were just too thin to see so they sat me up and shipped me off to recover. Of course I had a massive infection due to retained membranes that took a week of IV antibiotics to rid myself of.
I was sorely disappointed about my labor. It was not what I wanted and I felt violated and felt that my massive infection was due to the dr’s being too busy to care. I figured I would not have another baby for at least 5 yrs or never. Well that lasted for 2 yrs. See My Birth Story Part II.
My Birth Story Part II
I moved to Kindersley and I became pregnant with my son shortly after when my daughter was 18 months old. I vowed I would not have a birth like my first. The only way to change that was to educate myself on what contributed to the factors that led to the disappointment of my first. After doing so I decided on a non-medicated L&D.
The pregnancy was not easy on me. I was ill a lot and at 30 weeks I was put on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy due to the fact I was leaking amniotic fluid. Their was talk of an induction if I lost any more fluid. I was thinking the whole time (and there was a lot of time with bed rest) that “great so much for my better birth.”
Induction would have ruined that for me. Luckily my body and my baby boy held out to 39 weeks. My sister-in-law had just had her baby. My partner asked if I would like to go with him to see his sister. I had a feeling I was close to going into labor and opted to stay home and not make the 2 hour trip to Saskatoon. That and I didn’t want to end up delivering in the same hospital again. My partner got back from Saskatoon at midnight.
I went into labor 15 min later. I was adamant that I was not going to be at that darn hospital at 3 am so I thought I would catch some sleep and hope the labor progressed nice and easy. At least till the morning. The contractions were strong enough to wake me around 3:30 am so I got up had a drink and a bite to eat and headed to the computer to waste some time. All the while I made an attempt to move around as little as possible.
Like I said I was NOT having this baby before morning. At 5:30 am the contractions really started to smart so I thought I would have a warm bath to off set the pain. I got as far as dipping my butt in the water for 10 seconds before the contractions really hit and fast. They were less than a minuet apart. It took me 20 min to get myself out of the bath and dressed thinking the whole time that I was going to have this baby on the bathroom floor alone and when I only lived a half a block from the hospital.
I didn’t think they would believe that I just couldn’t make it on time J . I managed to get to the phone and call my mom to come watch our daughter at 6 am. When I made it to the hospital I was hunched over holding onto the nursing desk when the nurse looked up she said wow u don’t look good what’s the matter. I looked up and bellowed “I’m in labor, I’ve had better days”
Then off to the delivery room I was whisked. My partner talked with the nurse and filled out the paper work because at that time all I could say was “pfffft, pffft ahhhhhh whooo” you know the usual labor language. They managed to help me get a gown on. Not sure why they bothered. They checked me and I was 9 cm dilated. The Dr. was called in and clacked into the room wearing her high heels 10 min later. I was wondering to myself how she expected to catch my baby in those shoes. For some reason the clinic had not sent my pre natal papers to the hospital yet. They were concerned what my group B strep status was.
I’m in the bed thinking “little late for that now isn’t it” The Dr. still insisted that she needed to go to the clinic and grab those papers. No sooner than she pulled out of the parking lot than I suddenly had the urge to push. The nurses panicked calling the Dr. telling her to get back NOW! They tried to get me to hold off pushing. I will tell you now that is TORTURE! They brought over some nitrous to help alleviate the pain I took one whiff and threw it. That stuff was poison it made me feel sick.
I was in transition but Ill blame it on the nitrous anyway. I said I’m going to push and one of you better be ready to catch this baby. The words left my mouth and I heard the clack, clack, clack of the Dr.s high heels running down the hall with her yelling “I’m coming, I’m coming) She perched below me while I tried to move myself into a better position. The contractions didn’t cooperate with me and it was slow moving ( a few inches at a time) between contractions before I managed to perch myself with my butt hanging mid air off the bed.
My Dr. said its time to go. If you not pooping your not pushing hard enough! That got a good laugh out of all of us. I felt every part of the wondrous delivery and It was great. Yes of course it smarted but I did at all my self. I delivered a healthy 6 lb 5 oz baby boy at 7:15 am.
Jenny Andrew
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