MOM NATURALLY BIRTHS 7 lbs 14 oz BABY GIRL

Let’s take a minute to recover from that thought, shall we?

Another baby girl made her grand entrance into the world on Novemeber 13th, 2008. She was born in hospital and was home three hours later. With today’s advance Health Care system, how could something like this have occurred?

Nine months prior to this delivery both her mom and dad were shocked that they were expecting another baby. After a traumatic delivery with their first child, born by caesarean section, they had not known if they would risk another pregnancy, another surgical delivery. Mom is quoted to have said ‘if I ever get pregnant again, I will have a Vaginal Birth After Caesarean (VBAC), even if it means we stay at home to deliver the baby’!! The nerve! This topic has remained quite controversial among health care professionals. Some physicians have even gone as far as to suggest that first time caesarean moms schedule surgical deliveries for all subsequent births. Not this mom, she would hear nothing of it. So, as a new reporter for Confessions of a Birth-a-holic, I desperately wanted to chronicle the couple’s experience with this thing called natural birth, and a VBAC at that. How would they succeed? Here is their story…

First of all, these parents took matters into their own hands. They researched and planned for a successful VBAC delivery. How? First they made sure they understood the evidence surrounding the risks and benefits of a VBAC. They were confident in their decision that a VBAC was best for both mom and baby. After much searching, they also located a physician who would support their decision. Many of the doctors they talked with discussed a trial of labour. But this mom was not comfortable with that kind of terminology; she was focussed on a successful natural labour and delivery. Baby’s mom really felt that she had been robbed of the natural childbirth experience with her first baby, who was a footling breech and subsequent caesarean section. With this pregnancy, she was determined to welcome the marvels of womanhood through a vaginal birthing experience. Wow, I think to myself as I reflect on this ideology, the wonders of a woman.

There were many other facets involved with the preparation for the birth. In order to prepare mom for the physical and emotional challenges of labour and delivery, she took a self-instructed hypnobirthing course. That said, during labour she is quoted to have said ‘turn this s--t off’ while listening to her hypnosis CD’s. Apparently the hypnosis preparation was not as efficient as their other chosen support system, a Doula. Huh? What the heck is that you ask? I was dumbfounded upon hearing of this professional but apparently there are women experienced in childbirth who want to provide physical, emotional and informational support to mothers, before, during and after childbirth. News to me (and now you) but not news to this couple! Their Doula was hired because they knew her, liked her, admired her and trusted that she could provide them with the information and support they would require to accomplish their goal of a VBAC.

Since mom had much invested in the vaginal birth of her second child, the Doula had her work cut out for her. She knew personal details about this couple, and the mom specifically (which is a whole other story), that meant she would have to have a heightened awareness of the labour progress and when to head to the hospital. Although mom had earlier said she would rather stay at home than risk a caesarean, she also knew that, as a VBAC patient, her doctor was more comfortable with her delivering in hospital (even if they would have to get a disco ball to give mom the birth experience she so desired).

As luck would have it, baby was one-week post dates (note sarcasm here). Mom went to a doctor’s appointment only to find out that her cervix was posterior. That’s right, there was nothing…notta…zip…zero…ziltch…happening ‘down there’. This news always causes stress for a pregnant mom, since every day after d-day is a ticking time bomb to induction. Not good news for a VBAC mom. But, as luck really would have it, one hour after hearing this news, pressure waves started. Mom had a feeling that these waves were ‘it’ despite having had two previous days of what she referred to as ‘surfing the waves’. So, in response to the realization of the impending birth, mom headed to Fuddrucker’s for a last supper of sorts (it is reported that women labour more efficiently after consuming the Hawaiian Chicken Salad from Fudd’s). Several hours later, mom called her Doula to let her know that the day had arrived, it was a second coming for the mom and she was prepared! The Doula responded by checking in on the emotional state of the couple and setting up a birthing tub for mom to labour in. When mom finally decided to use the tub, she knew the Doula and her tub were God sent.

After a few hours of labouring in the shower, on the bed and in the bathroom, it was finally ‘tub time’ and mom spent four solid hours squatting in that labour tub, with her Doula and her husband never leaving her side. She had finally found her rhythm, as the Doula had counselled them she would. The entire time in the tub, her Doula provided counter pressure on her back during each contraction. Looking back, the mom has said ‘it was almost relaxing…if one can call intense, bulldozing, abdominal pain relaxing’! The Doula also whispered encouraging words and ensured the couple that things were progressing normally. Whew! What a relief to both mom and dad! And speaking of dad, he was also an amazing support during this physically and emotionally demanding task. Eyewitnesses say mom actually bit his leg or hand during some of the contractions. I think we can safely assume that the Doula was happy that she was not on the receiving end of those fangs.

As labour progressed and got more intense, the impending transfer to the hospital was inevitable. The couple desperately wanted to labour at home for as long as possible, in order to avoid unnecessary medical intervention, but they still wanted to deliver in hospital. Time was of the essence and this couple completely trusted their Doula to know when to leave and how to get mom, so far progressed in labour, out of the tub, into the car and to the hospital. And the Doula did. She knew exactly when it was time; she remained calm and supportive while they relocated. They arrived at the hospital 10 cm dilated. Hooray! Mission accomplished. Ah…no…wait…she still had to actually deliver the baby!

Being at the hospital was a whole new experience that required additional support from the Doula. I mean, who makes these hospital policies where the husband is meant to wait in line to fill out forms, whilst a mom in need of physical and emotional support stands alone? Thank goodness for the Doula, who never left the birthing mom’s side. Not to mention, it might have been a bit awkward for a woman to be alone, wearing only a T-shirt and boots in the hallway, leaning over a wheelchair, moaning and groaning. Then again, this is the ER, so maybe not.

Once the paperwork was completed the threesome headed for labour and delivery. This is where mom was in for a real shock. No one had ever told her that the hallway from the elevator to labour and delivery is about a 100-kilometre distance! I was also shocked when she told me. It seems unbelievable. But, I feel it is my duty to let pregnant women know, if you deliver in hospital, you will be required to pass through this extremely long hallway. It’s the only way to get there. Apparently this dad is quoted to have said ‘it doesn’t look that long’ (I believe she may have bit his hand clean off with the next contraction). Luckily, the Doula reassured them that at the end of this little hallway, they would finally reach their destination.

Upon examination by the attending physician, the parents were thrilled to hear that it was time to welcome baby into their waiting arms! They thought this would be quick and easy. The baby would arrive in 20 minutes, give or take a few and they’d be calling all their friends and family with the dirty deets of the birth. Wrong. Thank goodness for the Doula. She was a calm presence, a wealth of knowledge and a great support for the parents while baby took her sweet time descending the birth canal. When the pushing wasn’t progressing, the Doula suggested switching positions, played soothing music, provided physical support and constantly whispered encouraging words to the mother. It was the Doula, not the doctor, nurse or spouse, who eased the fears the mom had of feeling the baby crown and her fear of tearing. She reassured mom that her perineum was being protected and that when the baby crowned, she would be born. It was exactly what mom needed to hear and with the next wave, baby arrived. Finally, with the collaboration of mom, dad, doctor and the Doula, the VBAC birth was successful. Mission accomplished.

I asked this baby’s mom about her feelings on her VBAC experience and this was her response:
“I believe birth is one of the most important, life-impacting journeys a woman goes through. It was a right of passage that I longed for. I wanted to be able to experience the complete submission of myself to my body, to let go and allow my body and my baby do the job they were designed to do. I did this with the support of my husband and my Doula. This was a major accomplishment and despite that, there was no hero cookie handed to me when it was over (which was fine, I wasn’t hungry anyway). Besides, I had my supportive Doula, my proud husband to give me all the kudos I required. The only thing I’ve pondered since the birth of my baby is this, where were the news media and television crews???”

I couldn’t agree more. Woman naturally births 7 lbs 14 oz baby girl! Now that is news worthy!

( this was submitted by an amazing mom who loves to write in third person)

The Birth of My Second Daughter… How I Came To Give Birth In A Bathroom.

When I had my first daughter, it was a nightmare… the only good part was that I was handed a baby. Seriously.

I totally could relate to this artwork: http://birthlove.cyclzone.com/pages/csec_vbac/meghan.html

Then I met Rebecca Francis, a doula from Seattle. I told her my birth story… in tears. She told me it sounded like I could have used a doula. I learnt what a doula was… what they do… and how to become one. I thought that women should have the option of professional labour support, should they choose it. The outcomes show that there is a serious benefit. Then one morning, not long after, I woke up and thought that while I still wanted to be a doula, why not be part of the movement to give women a completely different choice of care provider…?

I decided to become a midwife…

Within a month of midwifery education… I wanted a baby!

I THOUGHT I WAS INSANE… but nevertheless!!!!

(I have been told this happens a lot… My first daughter had weaned‘officially’ in September, at age two… so I maybe it was biological in more ways than one….)

Needless to say I wanted my care to come from a midwife, and if I qualified, I wanted to have a homebirth.

I found an amazing midwife… Her partner midwife IRONICALLY had lived up the STREET from us when I had my first daughter. (MAJOR kick in the stomach.)

I had a fantastic pregnancy, I felt really healthy, and very pro-active. I received informed choice and consent on EVERY aspect of my pregnancy. I chose to have an initial blood work up for type, Rh factor, Rubella immunity, HIV, and HBV. I had one ultrasound at about 20 weeks. I qualified for homebirth, but was unable to have it in MY home due to the distance and current legislation. For this reason, Neil and I decided to have the baby in my doula's house.

My Mom arrived on July 15th. When I’m close to having a baby, it’s like I wait for her… I ALSO was waiting on newborn sized baby diapers…. They came on the 18th, at that point I knew I was ready to have a baby. All systems were a go… I just lovingly looked at my birth supplies… it was a weird time.

Throughout the 20th and 21st, I had ‘Pre Labour Symptoms’… sometimes referred to as ‘False Labour Symptoms’ by the Medical Model. It is not that stage of labour which is ‘actively’ dilating the cervix… and is therefore not true active labour… but it is preparing and toning the uterus, effacing the cervix, preparing and toning the mother… It’s the jog before the marathon. On the night of the 21st I knew I’d have a baby soon. I felt a lot more pressure, and was moving into the zone… I called my doula for a heads up. She was planning on going out, and was like ‘Eileen, should I be going out?’ And I was like, ‘Yes, go out… just don’t paint the town red because I’m pretty sure I’ll be in tomorrow.’

By midnight on (the 22nd) I was waking up to a contraction every 20 minutes… they were getting stronger, but not closer together. I’d get a good grip for about 15-20 seconds. This was my first experience with normal labour, as last time I had back labour… I would roll out of bed; get onto all fours, and think to myself, ‘this is bizarre, the sensation goes away between contractions.’ I’d then roll back into bed, and literally fall asleep.

At 4am I woke my Mom up, and told her that we needed to get organized to go to the city, I was 10 minutes apart. She was a bit stressed… we didn’t even have our bags packed… we packed… and ate…I had a bath… and then we waited for Neil and our daughter to wake up. At about 7am our daughter was up… so within 15 minutes I went in and said to Neil, ‘You better get up, we need to head into the city, I’m in labour.’

You should have seen the LEAP he did.

It was so ER… get the woman to the hospital… change your pants… like.
Only… we weren’t going to the hospital… and he needed to calm down.
I was like, ‘Relax, just get dressed and get organized, so you can help me with Ais.’

At 8am we were in the truck, ready…
I asked if we had the tubs…
Neil said, ‘What tubs?’
I said… ‘The ones with the birth supplies….?’

Back in the house he went…

PHEW! THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD!!!!!!!!! (NOT!)

We made it to Rosetown, and we stopped for me to go to the washroom, and get something to eat… the man who was pumping the gas and washing the windows asked Neil if ‘his wife was in labour.’ Neil’s like ‘yep.’ And buddy proceeds to say ‘OH, my girlfriend did that a few weeks ago…’ and tell him the story!!!!

I actually slept between Rosetown and Saskatoon. I was already tired, I told myself ‘YOU NEED TO SLEEP.’ I don’t actually recall any more than ONE contraction between Rosetown and Saskatoon… weird eh?

By 10:30am, we were at my doula’s house.

I had two contractions 10 minutes apart, and then they moved to 8 minutes.

We settled in…

Neil ran to Tim’s to grab me an egg salad sandwich, and then to Booster Juice for a Very Berry Juice, with GO GIRL booster.

While we ate, my midwife arrived to do my blood pressure, take my temperature, and remind me to eat lots, pee on the hour or more, and to just see how I was doing. She also said that she would do a vaginal exam only at my request (I had previously said no VEs in labour), and that she’d stick around, but would only come into my room to check heart tones… Otherwise, she understood I wanted privacy, and would be in the main part of the doulas house, holler if I wanted her.

While we ate, I moved to 5 minutes apart…

We’d all eat, and then I’d hop off the chair…
Mom would hop up, and do the double-hip squeeze, my doula would talk me through the stretch, Neil would encourage me, and our daughter would inform everyone that “her Mom needed to have a baby.”

I ate most of the sandwich, and then we went back upstairs.

That was at 12:30 pm, my midwife and doula told Mom that I’d have a baby by suppertime. I was thinking that while I adored them, they could kiss it!!! I was NOT waiting until suppertime!!!!!

This is when my ability to tell time goes to hell.

I just remember walking… a lot.

We filled the tub, I got into it… I had two contractions, during which nobody could reach me to do the double-hip squeeze… I asked them to help me out… SO MUCH FOR THE WATER. I hated it… it was not an ideal set-up. Lesson learnt.

It was bizarre, when I had a contraction, and after one… I HAD to move. And moving would bring on another one. Bizarre, totally bizarre… I usually was leaning forward but sometimes I leaned back. After one contraction I hit the floor and went into Childs Pose. Everyone was like ‘oh yeah….’ Totally do not know what I was doing… or why, but it worked! There was no slowing me down, or speeding me up… I was completely at the whims of nature and my body.

Nobody told me how to be, where to be… They held the space, and let me labour.

Within a couple contractions my midwife was in the room to check heart tones… I looked at her and asked her to get me a bucket because I thought I might be sick.

She grabbed me the bucket, but it was like I couldn’t vomit up and out… it was just gurgling under the surface, making it to my mouth, and then sliding back down.
^Needless to say, I’m off egg salad and booster juice!

I looked at her and Mom and said that I needed to go to the bathroom.

I sat on the toilet, and BAM, that was when I hit the wall that everyone talks about…

You get that ‘Oh my God, I can’t do this anymore’ and then you start wanting to push… and you are back in charge. I just needed to make it to wanting to push….

I was just glad I knew it was coming… I’d hit the wall, and now I had to scale it… I have no idea how long this part was... to me it’s like a minute of memory, but everyone else assures me it was longer than that!

I sat on the toilet and cried… And then soon after I felt like ‘I give up… I surrender’ and then shortly after I got a sensation that caused me to do a little 3 second grunty push. I looked at my Mom and said, “Mommy help me…” and she started to get upset.

She bent down to hug me… and I literally tried to crawl her. She thought I was giving up… and she didn’t know what to do.

I needed her to get me off the damn toilet.

Communication was obviously breaking down… and I had about 5 seconds of time to speak between urges. It was cryptic.

My doula came into the bathroom and she squatted down to look at my perineum, and then she helped my Mom pull me up off the toilet. She then hollered to my midwife, who was coming into the suite that “we had show,” and that I was starting to push a bit. I was standing in the doorway arms around my Mom, face in her chest… and someone asked if I thought I could move to the couch, so I could rest on it…. I couldn’t talk so I just shook my head ‘no’ and my Mom spoke for me.

They grabbed everything and started hauling it into the bathroom…

Neil came in at some point, and I ended up with my right hand in his hand…

A contraction would hit, I would let out a quick shriek, I would then feel the urge to push for about 3 seconds, and then I’d just stand and moan, and slide side to side.

And then it would happen again.



According to the attendants I only pushed 3 times, but I know it was more like 6 times, they just weren’t there yet!

My midwife told me that the baby was still in the membranes, head out, but that there was a nuchal cord (cord around neck), so she asked permission to AROM (break the waters.) I shook my head ‘yes’ and my Mom spoke for me.


They couldn’t rupture the membranes, they were THAT tough

She then told me that on my next urge, give a push, and have a baby.

I could feel that one shoulder was still in… I shrieked, pushed, and felt the shoulder slide slowly out, and then this wet slippery baby slide out of me, totally ‘in the caul’.

It was so cool.

They then sat me back, and handed her to me between my legs… Ais informed me she was a girl.

A beautiful 8 lbs, 22 inch baby GIRL! (Who felt like birthing a watermelon.)

In a few minutes, I have no idea of time lapse, the placenta was birthed, and my doula said she missed the bin, the midwife said that was ok. Everything sort of became sepia, and I thought ‘wow, I don’t feel very good.’

And then, I was at Cirque do Soleil… watching acrobats in green costumes.

And then I felt movement, I opened my eyes and I could see my midwife over me… everything was still in sepia, but I knew my doulas shirt was turquoise… not grey… so something wasn’t right somewhere.

They rolled me on my side, and I started to see colour again, my doulas shirt was back to being its normal shade.

My midwife asked my permission to give me an injection of artificial oxytocin.

I said ‘yes’ and she gave me a shot in the thigh.

And talk about ouch…. Literally spawned a muscle contraction… which I guess I should have known, but OUCH all the same.

That was when I knew I was hemorrhaging. And that I was scaring the crap out of my husband.

I could see the book ‘Spiritual Midwifery’ and I remembered Ina May teaching her midwifery students to tell the mother to ‘stop bleeding’ in an authoritarian tone.

I told myself to stop bleeding, or I know where I’d be heading….

She massaged my uterus, and they re-latched the baby…

It seems to me that within a minute or so she asked my permission to give me another injection of artificial oxytocin. I said yes… although less enthusiastically!

(It was actually 30 minutes later.)

They made me lay on the floor for what seemed like forever… (think half naked, and wet on a bathroom floor…) then they did a lift, and four of them carried me to the bed.

I lay on the bed through the placenta inspection, and newborn exam…which they did all right beside me so I could partake.

I then ate. Traverna Raviolli. (Now if THAT doesn’t beat hospital food, I don’t know what does!)

And then they put in 6 sutures… ironically on the other side from my last tear! (Proof that comfrey kicks butt.)

The next morning I had breakfast, my midwife came, and I felt like I was coming around.

They got me up to take me to the bathroom, up until this point I had been using a potty in the bed! I sat on the toilet, and I was at Cirque de Soleil, again…. Repeat performance in more ways then one.

I woke up, on the bathroom floor, AGAIN, with my head against the toilet bowl, AGAIN.

And I literally said, “Fuck Around.”

Back into bed, back to using the potty, and just eating and drinking…

Later that day we tried again, this time I told them I was going to pass out, and they hauled me off and onto the floor.

So, the deal was… when I could get up, use the washroom, and NOT see Cirque… I could go home. BUT I had to take it easy for a minimum of 5 days.

That took till the next morning.

We’re fantastic though… She has not a mark on her, and came out rooting and feisty.

I didn’t feel polluted, or groggy.

And I feel like I have had this amazing experience… not the romantic waterbirth, by all means. But I did give birth on MY terms. I have found something in myself that I didn’t know was there… at this point I can’t even explain it, but when I can, I will fill you all in.

I have this bumper sticker that says “Women of the Earth, Take Back Your Birth.”

And I keep looking at it….

That’s what I did….

On some level, something that was injured at my first daughter’s birth has healed.

You can heal too….

The Birth of My First Daughter… A Lesson in WHAT NOT TO DO.

Well, when I was first pregnant I wanted to have midwifery care, but there was no midwife to be had in my area that I knew of. At the time, the nearest midwife was 5 hours away…. So, I opted for a GP. I actually switched at 4 months, because I felt that she wasn’t spending the time necessary to answer my questions which made me uncomfortable. I then switched to another GP who I liked. But, my husband (partner at the time) was in university, so in September, we moved back to Saskatoon and were therefore two hours from the GP I had been seeing.

My Mom lives in Nova Scotia, she flew in on the 21st of September… she kept saying that I would have the baby before she got there, and I kept saying I’d wait for her…. I started feeling restless and ‘funny’ as soon as I saw her at the airport! That Friday, Neil, my partner, headed back to our farm… a 2 hour drive, to continue with harvest…. About 15 minutes later I lost my mucous plug. But I was determined to wait until he got back on Monday!!!

All day and all night Saturday I had contraction about every 10-12 minutes apart. Sunday morning my Mom and I woke up, had tea, watched Coronation Street…. She cooked some eggs, but I couldn’t eat them. She grilled some zucchini and I devoured it. We went out that evening to a friend’s restaurant… nothing appealed to me at all… I was just not feeling myself… and my pelvis and back were really ache-y, I just could not get the sensation to release. I lay in bed Sunday night… the contraction started coming every 3-5 minutes apart…. I would fall asleep, wake up, look at the clock…. 10:32…. 10:35… then every once in awhile I would wake up at say 11:02 and feel like I had slept… even though the last contraction was at 10:59.

By Monday at noon I was really uncomfortable, pacing the floor, and crying, afraid to go to the hospital, wondering WHEN THE HELL Neil was going to come home. My mom and I were wondering if we should drive all the way home or go to the city hospital…. Her head was very much engaged, so after thinking about sitting for two hours with the pain I had through my back and pelvis, I opted for the city hospital even though I knew I’d have an intern situation. I remember telling my Mom that I just wanted to stay home and not go anywhere… and she told me that if her friend Christine was here, we could maybe do that. (She’d had 5 kids.) But since my Mom ‘only did it once’ that was NOT an option.

Neil called at 11am…. I told him I was fine. Mom called him back and told him to quit playing farmer and get in here. He called an hour later. Theoretically he should have been half way there… I answered the phone…



‘Does your Mom want a blade roast or some T-Bones?’

’WHERE are you?’

’In the basement, getting meat.’

The rest is censored. I basically told him that me being in labour, trumps picking up meat, and to get in the car….

Oh, and that his job of ‘driving the woman to the hospital’ was being replaced by my Mom…. Who was already starting the car, and loading the bag.

We got lost driving to the hospital…. I don’t remember much except going across the city bridge like 5 times, while my Mom cried and apologized, and I tried to tell her it was ok, I didn’t want to go anyway.

We arrived… at the wrong entrance… nothing like having contractions and being stared at by strangers…. Finally a lovely old man wheeled us a wheelchair. Mom wheeled me to the other end. I was admitted into ‘Labour Assessment.’

Neil arrived…. Along with my Dad, step mom, and half-brother who is actually only 3 months older then Aislynn. The RN checked me, and said I was 3-stretch-4 cms…. I couldn’t believe it… I had waited until I was 3 minutes apart, a minute long, for OVER and hour… what… the…? The RN asked me if I wanted to go in the Jacuzzi. I said sure… so I headed a couple rooms down… there was this awkward moment when she told me to get in, and I asked what I wore…. She said ‘you go naked’ and I wanted to just die. Then a contraction hit, and I no longer gave a shit.

I got in, and it felt pretty good. I was there for hours…. They brought me a ‘clear plate’ consisting of soup broth and jello…. Oh, and apple juice. I drank the juice. Chicken and me didn’t mix in my pregnancy, and I would never eat jello. About the time I decided I was done, Neil bumped the tray and it flew all over. Comic relief I’m telling you.

I had to get out a few times, to be checked…. 3-stretch-4, 3-stretch-4, 3-stretch 4, 3-stretch-4…. Oh and 3-STRETCH-4.

So the Dr on call decided that I wasn’t allowed in the Jacuzzi anymore. I had to walk. So I walked… until I couldn’t stand it anymore…. Then I sat in a rocking chair… I was trying desperately to find counterpressure.

Then I went back to the ‘Labour Assessment’ room. The Dr check my cervix, only this time he had a half a dozen interns… nobody asked if that was ok… it was ‘everyone take a turn’…. When he did it the second time, he pushed on my cervix during a contraction. This pain shot up my spine, and I literally went into the bridge position. He pushed me down, told me I was still 3cm. It was now 9pm. I had been there for 9 hours. He then marked my sheet as ‘failure to progress’ and told me that I had two options because he was sure I would need a c-section. I should have made progress by now.

Option 1: Get an epidural, start the Pitocin, wait a bit, IF I made it to 4-stretch-5cms they’d break my water… then I might deliver vaginally. He then added that he ‘doubted that I would deliver vaginally at this point though, so it made sense to place the catheter’.

Option 2: “Stay like this, and then be put under when you need the c-section, because at this point you will never progress”.

Exact words, nice eh?

Is that really two options???

SO you have passed med school… maybe try CHARM school!

It would be a frosty Friday in hell before I was going to be put to sleep around this man… so I opted for the epidural, even though that had always been the second last thing I wanted.

They moved me to delivery at 9pm, and had an IV inserted. They started the Pitocin.

Later that evening I was prepped for the epidural… By this time I was losing track of time.

I was terrified while it was being done. I asked her to put the tube in but no medication... she said they couldn't do that because they needed to be sure it would work for a c-section. She did say that I could have a low dosage though, and that if it proved to work they would discuss turning it off... so long as I showed some progression.

I was only suppose to have one person there while she but the needle in. But I had to have two, one was my support, one was the person who signed the consent, since I was ‘incapable.’ My husband held one side of me. My Father held the other... I can still vividly remember how sick my husband looked. I can also vividly remember how hard my Father pushed on me.... and his whisper telling me ‘not to move or I'd never walk again.’ That was in the early morning.

I waited to feel the pinch in my legs, or a twitch that she told me to watch for. Nothing.

I laid back... was catheterized, became weirdly numb, and dilated.

At 4 cm they broke the amniotic sac.

They turned the epidural down at 5cm, and switched it off at 6cm… they had been switching me side to side because the medication was not having the ‘desired’ effect.

I was not very comfortable… being on my back had been the most painful, and now here I was ON MY BACK with a quarter of my body numb and everything else in varying degrees of NOT numb… catheterized and bed-bound. I wasn’t about to complain either, I didn’t dare. I just kept rolling my pelvis as much as I could. The catheter was not placed permanently… on one occasion I remember saying I had to pee, and the Nurse pushed on my bladder and said I ‘was fine’. I remember saying I could feel it, and she told me I couldn’t. My only option was to soil myself in the bed, on the chux pad.

FINALLY, by about 3:40am, the RN announced I was at 10cm.

The Dr came in and said we’d practice pushing… “we’d”… Yeah.

I did one practice push, but it was hard, because even though I wasn’t numb, I really didn’t feel like I need to push… I felt more like I needed to take a break. I did anyways though, like I said previously… I didn’t dare comment. I was so scared.

I pushed a few times… 3 including the ‘practice.’ My Mom had to leave for the last one. The RN told her to just stay out until the baby was born… my Mom told her that she was “going to go get a drink, put her head between her legs, and she’d be back”.

He then told me that the baby was OP, and that he’s have to use the vacuum to bring her head back, so it could go up, and out. He used the vacuum for a push… it was awful. Even now I remember the feeling of it snapping open inside of me. It still makes me feel kind of sick. I pushed once more, he said that this wasn’t working; she was stuck. He ordered the epidural back on and then told the RN to go and put me on the list for the next available OR.

That’s when the machines started beeping….

The RN had walked out, I looked around, my Mom looked at me… looked at the machine, I looked at Neil… he said ‘What the hell?’ The Dr said the baby was ‘in distress’….

So I pushed…. With no urge, I pushed… and when I held it till I couldn’t hold it anymore, and then I took another breath and pushed again.

My Mom said, “Oh yes, I see her head, she’s coming.”

The Dr yelled, “YOU CAN’T DO THIS. STOP!”

Out she came.

Into the ‘one-gloved’ hands of one not-too-impressed OB/GYN.

And she was so perfect….

The RN came in, to a BABY!

A beautiful 8lbs 2 oz, 22 inch baby GIRL!

The pushing had lasted not even 5 minutes.

The stitches took significantly longer…. 148 in total…. 45 minutes by two OB/GYN’s

I wasn’t allowed to shower, because the postpartum RN’s felt that I was too exhausted.

My IV was left on a drip-rate that was too high… I was later told by accident. But, nevertheless, at 6am I had to use the washroom… even with the RNs assistance I ended up passed out on the floor. I ripped stitches.

My daughter developed a case of jaundice that lasted 6 days… for the first 4 days she was in the nursery because apparently they didn’t have a moveable bili-light. While she was there she was started on formula, without my consent. An RN actually told me that “I was 20 years old, and 20 year olds don’t succeed at breastfeeding.” At the time she really upset me, I cried and cried… but she also gave me the opportunity to prove her wrong.

On Day 5, a fabulous Nurse, who’s name is Christine, brought my baby back to me… in a MOVEABLE bili-light.

On Day 6, another fabulous Nurse, who’s name escapes me, was the first RN to ASK to check my peri-pad and actually give me privacy while doing so.

On Day 6, late afternoon, we went home!!! I battled everyday for 4 months to get my daughter back to breastfeeding, and I succeeded. I had backaches for months from where the epidural catheter was placed… up. My husband and I lived a-sexually for 7 months while the damage to my body healed.

I was just another woman with another horrifying story.

I swore I would never have any more children, just as my Mother had never had any more children.

And then I met Rebecca Francis… a doula from Seattle.

Stay tuned for: The Birth of My Second Daughter… How I Came To Give Birth In A Bathroom.

Birth Announcement

After three days and three nights on a gentle journey, Daniel emerged. He opened his eyes and bathed in the silence and awe shared by all who were present. Home is where your story begins....welcome.

My Birth Story Part I


I was 19 when I surprisingly ended up pregnant with my first child. I was young, naïve, idealistic and well … scared shitless. During my 4th month of pregnancy my partner and I moved to Dundurn, which is 15 min South of Saskatoon. I managed to find a care provider in about a month to take over my pre-natal care. The pregnancy went smooth. At the end of December my Care Provider checked my cervix. I was a cm dilated.

I was worried that my partner who worked on the road would be unable to make it home if I called him when I actually hit the labor stage. I called my mom and she came to stay with me for a few days and finally insisted after 3 days she was not going to leave until I called my partner and told him to come home. So I obeyed my moms orders and my partner was back the next day. We waited impatiently for 12 days before those labor pains finally kicked in on January 12th 2006 at 10 am.

My contractions started and stayed at 5 min apart from the onset. At 11:30am I called the hospital and they told me to come in. My partner was surprisingly calm. Even made a stop at the McDonalds drive through. He was considerate enough to ask me if I wanted a cheese burger too. At the time I was “what the hell?“ but it served as a good story afterwards. At 12:30 I arrived at the hospital, they checked my cervix, a disappointing 3 cm with 3 min apart contractions.

I could not stand upright and the nurse insisted I get my butt out of bed and do some walking. Grudgingly I paced to the bathroom and back to the bed. That was in between having to lay down for the many pelvic examinations by this intern Dr and this student nurse. I remember thinking to myself after the 20th one that I might as well walk around naked because everyone in the world had their fingers in me. Anyone else want a shot?

At 2:30 and 5 cm dilated my contractions were steady and with not much rest in between. They offered my something for pain and as soon as I could nod my head I was whisked off for an epidural. At the time it was wondrous not feeling anything from the ribs down that is until it was time to deliver. My Dr. came in, in between delivering the 4 babies that women were having at the same time as me, broke my water when I hit 10 cm which was a awful pea soup that she told me was meconium and insisted on showing me and my partner (who turned the same color) It was explained that they would whisk the baby off right away to suction and monitor for aspiration.

I had not clue what the heck they were talking about. She told me that I was ready to push. “ready?, Ready? I cant feel a f_ing thing how do I know if I pushing and when?” The nurse stared at the EFM told me when to push. My baby went under distress right after my second push and I was told to push that baby out now. They fired up the vacuum right next to my head and said you have less that a minute or we'll have to use it. I bared down with everything in me and pushed out my 5lb 10 oz baby girl in 2 mighty pushes.

She was born at 6:17 pm. I got to hold her an hour later after they finished “observing” and suctioning her. They gave me one chance to push out my placenta. I peed instead. They decided my membranes were just too thin to see so they sat me up and shipped me off to recover. Of course I had a massive infection due to retained membranes that took a week of IV antibiotics to rid myself of.

I was sorely disappointed about my labor. It was not what I wanted and I felt violated and felt that my massive infection was due to the dr’s being too busy to care. I figured I would not have another baby for at least 5 yrs or never. Well that lasted for 2 yrs. See My Birth Story Part II.


My Birth Story Part II

I moved to Kindersley and I became pregnant with my son shortly after when my daughter was 18 months old. I vowed I would not have a birth like my first. The only way to change that was to educate myself on what contributed to the factors that led to the disappointment of my first. After doing so I decided on a non-medicated L&D.

The pregnancy was not easy on me. I was ill a lot and at 30 weeks I was put on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy due to the fact I was leaking amniotic fluid. Their was talk of an induction if I lost any more fluid. I was thinking the whole time (and there was a lot of time with bed rest) that “great so much for my better birth.”

Induction would have ruined that for me. Luckily my body and my baby boy held out to 39 weeks. My sister-in-law had just had her baby. My partner asked if I would like to go with him to see his sister. I had a feeling I was close to going into labor and opted to stay home and not make the 2 hour trip to Saskatoon. That and I didn’t want to end up delivering in the same hospital again. My partner got back from Saskatoon at midnight.

I went into labor 15 min later. I was adamant that I was not going to be at that darn hospital at 3 am so I thought I would catch some sleep and hope the labor progressed nice and easy. At least till the morning. The contractions were strong enough to wake me around 3:30 am so I got up had a drink and a bite to eat and headed to the computer to waste some time. All the while I made an attempt to move around as little as possible.

Like I said I was NOT having this baby before morning. At 5:30 am the contractions really started to smart so I thought I would have a warm bath to off set the pain. I got as far as dipping my butt in the water for 10 seconds before the contractions really hit and fast. They were less than a minuet apart. It took me 20 min to get myself out of the bath and dressed thinking the whole time that I was going to have this baby on the bathroom floor alone and when I only lived a half a block from the hospital.

I didn’t think they would believe that I just couldn’t make it on time J . I managed to get to the phone and call my mom to come watch our daughter at 6 am. When I made it to the hospital I was hunched over holding onto the nursing desk when the nurse looked up she said wow u don’t look good what’s the matter. I looked up and bellowed “I’m in labor, I’ve had better days”

Then off to the delivery room I was whisked. My partner talked with the nurse and filled out the paper work because at that time all I could say was “pfffft, pffft ahhhhhh whooo” you know the usual labor language. They managed to help me get a gown on. Not sure why they bothered. They checked me and I was 9 cm dilated. The Dr. was called in and clacked into the room wearing her high heels 10 min later. I was wondering to myself how she expected to catch my baby in those shoes. For some reason the clinic had not sent my pre natal papers to the hospital yet. They were concerned what my group B strep status was.

I’m in the bed thinking “little late for that now isn’t it” The Dr. still insisted that she needed to go to the clinic and grab those papers. No sooner than she pulled out of the parking lot than I suddenly had the urge to push. The nurses panicked calling the Dr. telling her to get back NOW! They tried to get me to hold off pushing. I will tell you now that is TORTURE! They brought over some nitrous to help alleviate the pain I took one whiff and threw it. That stuff was poison it made me feel sick.

I was in transition but Ill blame it on the nitrous anyway. I said I’m going to push and one of you better be ready to catch this baby. The words left my mouth and I heard the clack, clack, clack of the Dr.s high heels running down the hall with her yelling “I’m coming, I’m coming) She perched below me while I tried to move myself into a better position. The contractions didn’t cooperate with me and it was slow moving ( a few inches at a time) between contractions before I managed to perch myself with my butt hanging mid air off the bed.

My Dr. said its time to go. If you not pooping your not pushing hard enough! That got a good laugh out of all of us. I felt every part of the wondrous delivery and It was great. Yes of course it smarted but I did at all my self. I delivered a healthy 6 lb 5 oz baby boy at 7:15 am.


Jenny Andrew

VBAC - Very Beautiful And Courageous

I gave birth
Too large of a baby
Too flat of a pelvis
Said I couldn’t do it
I gave birth
Too risky they said
Too much overdue
C-Section scar
I gave birth
Glucose intolerant
Group B positive
What’s your end game?
I gave birth
Without their interventions
Without their fears
Surrounded by calm peaceful love
I gave birth
Let that contraction go
Listen to your body
Holding hands
I gave birth
Birth stool in my kitchen
Birth tub on the floor
Trusting it all
I gave birth
Strong pain
Stronger support
Moaning low
I gave birth
My body isn’t broken
My spirit is healed
My heart is so thankful
I GAVE BIRTH!

A doula in training's perspective...

A Birth Story
A Doula In Training's Perspective

I found that the most important thing you can do for any client is meet frequently with them. And that was most evident when it came time for Carolyn to deliver. I meet with Carolyn and Doug twice before Lisa took me on as my Mentor, and then the rest of the meetings were together. And I learned so much just from a few one to two hour meetings. First of all, was Carolyn needed a birth plan. This was obvious to me at my first meeting with her. She was scared of our hospital and the possible of the procedures that could be done to her. So I focused on this each meeting.
So with birth plan in hand, and Carolyn with high blood pressure and just not going into labor as we so much had tried and hoped. She was off to the hospital to be induced. And not too sure what to expect. I meet Doug and Carolyn in assessment at 4:30 already hooked up to fetal monitors and not too surprised to see that Carolyn was contracting irregularly while on the monitor, and baby was happy and sleeping. Dr. Getz came in at 5:00pm and checked Carolyn and she was 2 cm, baby's head was still high and still 25% effaced. When Dr. Getz felt that the baby's head was still high her whole body language changed and I could feel the tension fill the room. Her arms crossed, her eyes rolled into the back of her head, and she started to bite her lower lip and mumble as if she were talking to herself and to Carolyn if she should even do it (break the water). With the nurse standing beside her, listening to Dr. Getz ramble and watching her very uncomfortable body language she asked her if she should put her in the high risk wing on labor and delivery. I could see Carolyn start to fidget. Doug got quiet and I just sat and watched to see if she would actually break her water or do the cervidil (sp?). I guess the problem I had with this whole thing is that Dr. Getz discussed out loud weather she should or should not break Carolyn water in a semi sitting up position or just do the cercidil and get her going that way. Either way with Carolyn's blood pressure she would have to stay in the hospital during the whole induction.
148/86, baby was a sleep for ½ hr on fetal monitor and so with a little encouragement from some juice started to get some good movements. Dr. Getz after about 10 mins decided to try and break Carolyn in a semi sitting position while a nurse pushed down on baby. So at 5:36 Carolyn's water was broke while the nurse pushed on the top of the fundus. Doug and I tag teamed for a ½ hr after that so the nurse could go and do rounds, to keep pressure and baby in place. Dr. Getz kept her hand in Carolyn to make sure there was no cord coming down and she was comfortable to let Carolyn walk around and get baby to come down some more. Contractions were 3 mins apart and were lasting about 1 min. by the time we took the monitor off to go walking.
We went walking for about ½ hr and during that time I ran down stains to update Lisa as to what was happening with the induction, as Lisa was in a seminar. And was a great time to grab that much needed coffee. Yeah coffee!
At 7:00 Dr. Getz checked Carolyn and she was now 3-4 cms and 50-75% effaced, contractions were every 2 mins apart and lasting 1 min still. Her blood pressure was 155/88. Carolyn could tell her contractions are were getting stronger. Baby's h/rate was 150. We ran into Lisa and she suggested doing stairs, to help open and dilate the cervix. So that is what we did.
At 7:20 Dr. Getz checked Carolyn and she was still 3-4 and 50-75% effaced, much to Carolyn's disappointment. She really felt that she was much further along. H/rate was between 147-160. Contractions were getting stronger, Carolyn can feel them peaking and lasting longer (every 2 mins). 142/91 blood pressure.
7:30, Carolyn and Doug went for some tub time. Her contractions were really starting to get uncomfortable and opted for the tub. While I showed Doug where the tub was and he got it running Carolyn sat on the toilet as a make shift ball, saying it felt good and it helped. Was getting shaky. Labor and Delivery wanted to move her over but Dr. Getz and I told her that Carolyn just got into the tub and to give her a ½ hr or so.
7:45, Nurse Michelle from L/D checked h/r in tub. Carolyn was very happy in the tub. Wanted to stay in tub till about 8:00 then move over to L/D. Doug was doing awesome keeping Carolyn comfortable and it was great alone time for them.
8:00, Dr. Getz checked Carolyn. 5Cms dilated. And we moved Carolyn over to L/D. Heart rate was 140 @ L/D. We got the birth ball, but it wasn't Carolyn's thing. So far walking and the tub are her thing. So get rid of the ball and start walking. Keep things moving...and that's what we did. Blood pressure 140/84, baby's heart rate was 147. Once we got all the that done we went walking and did stairs again. When the stairs got too hard to handle and Carolyn did awesome walking through all her contractions, we stuck to level ground. She breathed really well through all her contractions and was able to talk through them and Doug was such a great support to Carolyn the whole time.
8:25, Dr. Getz checked Carolyn again..Carolyn was sure she was getting close and wanted to get checked. Contractions were every 2 mins and lasting 1 min. Very strong and hard to walk through. Baby was posterior, 75% effaced, 5 cm still and baby's h/rate was 145-150. This discouraged Carolyn quite a bit. I just kept encouraging her that she was doing awesome. Each contraction she had, I just told her she was doing awesome, and that is what she needed to hear....at least that is what she kept telling me. I felt like a broken record.
At 8:30, Carolyn went to the tub on the labor floor. And this is where she stayed for the majority of her labor. I suggest to any doula or doula in training that you should bring an extra pair of pants...b/c you may soak your in a shower accident, as I did. Soon after we got into the tub Carolyn broke down and started to cry. She remembered how hard it was and is. I told her she was doing awesome and that she was breathing and in control and that she was on top of each contraction. I told her how proud I was of her and Doug told her how proud he was of her. At this point I had to pop out to go to the bathroom and the nurse stayed in and I ran into Lisa in the hall and gave her the run down of what had just happened.
I came back and Lisa was talking to Carolyn and telling her how good it was to cry. Which at first I thought how odd it was then it made sense, getting all those emotions out, everything all at the surface. Man that Lisa is smart.
As each contraction got harder to handle Carolyn didn't have back labor she felt all her contractions right under belly and that is where she wanted the shower head to be aimed, either Doug, herself or me would aim the water and that worked through the contraction along with the deep breathing techniques. Lisa also helped me to remember something I had forgotten from my birthrythm class, and that was the slack jaw open mouth, low tone “ooo” sound while you breath out. That open...breath in and “oooopen”. As soon as I was reminded of that, it was a light bulb moment in my head and from then on I really needed little prompting from Lisa as what to do. I was in a groove and knew what Carolyn and also what Doug needed. Because I needed to keep Doug involved.
I felt so confident with them as a couple and us as a team, that I knew that we could pull off her birth plan of no drug what so ever. In the past she had had oxygen near the end and I did not want that for her...that was her goal. And I knew she could do it. When she would start to panic and her voice would raise, and I could hear Lisa start saying something, I knew what I had to do. And it never took more than one sentence from Lisa to prompt me.
By 10:30 and still in the tub Dr. Getz came and checked Carolyn and she was 8 cms, her b/p was 120/65...the most normal it had been in over a two week period. But I found them turning the lights on really took Carolyn off guard and her contractions came and Carolyn wasn't ready for them. Before, with the lights off and in a quiet place she was in a peaceful place and was ready for them, but after a disturbance like that it took her a good two contractions to get back into a good rhythm and not panicking. We soon moved Carolyn over to L & D room, and she walked there, while pushing her wheelchair.
We got to the room and got her right into the shower and stayed there until 11:10 when Shiloh Hope made her arrival, weighing in at 7pds 5 oz. It was funny because, Carolyn kept saying she was cold in the shower, and then she was going to be sick. And I turned to Lisa and said “She's going to have the baby soon right?” and Lisa just nodded. Then Carolyn's contractions got further apart. And it was so fun watching Doug take over my job and helping Carolyn breathe, and then right when Carolyn felt like she had to push and the head was coming out. Lisa and I breathed out loud with Carolyn her last three contractions in the shower until she felt that she knew the head was about the come. We got her onto the bed and Dr. Getz barely had time to put gloves on, the nurse tried to take the bed apart...even though we wanted Carolyn to push side lying and Shiloh was making her grand debut.
She did awesome. She was controlled, she breathed perfectly and the thing that I thought was awesome was that Lisa put her two fingers up to her mouth to blow on right when her shoulders where coming out. I was more worried that Doug couldn't see. I didn't want dad to miss it, since I was holding Carolyn's leg and well honestly I had the best seat in the house.
At midnight Carolyn nursed Shiloh and she fed well, which doesn't surprise me since she was sucking her thumb minutes after she was born. Carolyn ate some toast. Her blood pressure but 138/78.
Carolyn was moved up to anti part um at 12:35 after passing a rather large clot and her last b/p was 158/89. I stayed with Carolyn and Doug until she was in her room and went home at around 1:00am. And even though it was late and I'm pretty sure my coffee had worn off by then, but my adrenaline hadn't.
All my friends had said that this was going to be my make it or break it birth. Either your going to love it or hate it. And well, lets just say I didn't faint (thank God for that...man that would have sucked) and I loved every minute of it and would do it again tomorrow. This has been one of the best experiences of my life and I want to do this over and over again. I am so blessed to have Carolyn and Doug let me share this amazing experience with them. I am even more blessed to have had Lisa mentor me through this and learn from such an amazing woman.

Christine Lawson

Swayde Waters; The story of your Birth

The day you came to breathe your first breath came with stormy waters indeed. After months of caring for you perfectly, your mother’s labour began. Nice and slow, with only a back ache to let her know that she would see you soon. She was so focused and ready to open her body and let you come to greet the world…

Then there came the surprise… Sometime in the days or weeks before you had decided to greet the world feet first. Your little body was turned around in the womb so that your head was tucked quite neatly below your mother’s rib cage and your foot was trying to push through the opening below. I wonder if this is how you will greet all of life’s challenges. Feet first, without looking at what exactly you are getting yourself intoJ.

Where we live there are very few people left who know how to help a determined soul like you get born that way. Sometimes too much science makes us forget the wisdom of ancient ways. You had grown into such a beautiful and healthy child that there was no room left in the womb to try to coax you to turn around. Your mother then asked for the help of good doctors who could help you come into the world safely, in the absence of the knowledge of the ancient ways to bring a strong spirit like you out safely.

Sometimes your mother was afraid; she wanted only the best for you. She is a very courageous woman. You see, courage only comes from walking through fear. She did it so well. Your father stood strongly at her side the entire time. I can see where your strength and determination come from Swayde. They will fight any battle for your safety.

You still managed to be born the way you wanted. Your little feet came first. You stepped into life with confidence.
When you took your first breathe there was a sense of pure joy in the room. The first words spoken over you were of love and greetings,
followed by the story of your Guardian Angel. You are never alone. The Creator of all things watches over his precious ones.

The journey for you has just begun. Continue to stand and walk tall Swadye Waters. You can overcome any obstacle.
You have been born into a legacy of love and courage.
Walk tall.

May love and blessings walk with you always.


With love,
Your birth guardian

L. V. W.

Homebirth Story

I wanted to share my birth story with you and Kari and to thank you both for allthe support and preparation Tony and I received during the birth rhythms andlabour intensive classes.I went to bed after my yoga class on Monday June 8th and woke up at 3:30am inlabour. When I realized I was really in labour I had a moment of panic ("Ican't do this" "I'm not strong enough") and then I remembered all the women Iknew who had taken this journey before me and I let go of all fear. The rest ofthe day was transcendently peaceful! I slept on and off between contractionsthroughout the night and then got up at 7am to begin my more focused journey.Tony and I walked around the neighborhood and then around the birthing poolthroughout the day - I must have walked about 50 miles by the end of the day:-) Walking was definitely the ritual that was working for me. Between each"expansion," I was able to focus on returning to my "baseline" and felt asthough I entered more and more into labourland as the day progressed. At around5:30pm walking just no longer seemed to work, so I entered the birthing pool!The waters brought such relief - in all my life I've never felt such awonderful feeling! I began pushing at around 6pm and through deep moans andeven some powerful growls, I gave birth to a beautiful son at 7:26pm!I can't even express to you how grateful I am for all the preparation Tony and Idid and received. I was able to trust myself, trust the process, and connectwith my baby. In doing so, I birthed him with a profound sense of trust andlove.

Thanks to you both!

Julie.

People Spend more time shopping for a new car than they put into their births...

Wasn't sure how to blog straight to the site so I'll leave this for you to post. Apologies for the length, but really this is the short version.

The full version would really have to start the day our daughter Abby was born as I've realized that that experience and all subsequent emotional, psychological and physical experiences have prepared me for this birth.

Can't thank you and Kari enough for the class. It really was the difference between a birth based in fear or trust. Luckily the latter prevailed.With love and gratitude,Jenn, Darren, Abby and Benjamin

journal entry, birth day, July 29, 2006

You are here little Benjamin! We are so in love with you! You are gold. Pure gold. 9 lbs. 1 oz. and a sturdy eater, beautiful color, such a golden pink. The day leading to Benjamin's birth was the first cool day in weeks. We were already a week overdue and our regular doctor left for holidays. We met her replacement, Dr. Doig and I felt completely at ease with her. She reassured me we wouldn't have to induce at the 10 day mark and instantly I felt all pressures and expectations fall away.

It was the first day in weeks that I felt calm and comfortable and trusting in my body and baby. I had felt so frustrated for days, even weeks leading up to this birth, but suddenly I didn't feel frustrated anymore. It was the first time I just let go of thinking about labour and how it would all turn out. At around 6:30 pm we were all in the backyard watching my 3 year old, Abby, go around and around on her tricycle saying "look at me, mommy, look at me!" I was feeling an incredible amount of joy and began to laugh like I hadn't laughed in so long. At that moment my water broke--not enormously, but enough to take my breath away. I kept it to myself and carried on with serving dinner. Every time I stood up from the table I would feel another gush so I decided to call Robyn, our doula, to let her know. When I was dialing her number I realized this was it and began to cry. I had been wanting to cry for days and it felt so good to have an emotional release. All my waters were finally flowing!

At around 7 pm I started to experience the most gentle contractions. I was so excited to feel them. I had been induced my first pregnancy and never knew what it was like to go into labour naturally. I greeted each rush with pleasure and excitement. I truly have never felt so calm and grounded in my life. I felt each contraction was a step toward meeting our son. But I wanted to walk. Slowly and rhythmically, so Darren, my mom, Abby and I headed to the neighbourhood park around 9 pm. My contractions were becoming more regular and frequent, lasting about one minute, five minutes apart. I would stand up and walk off alone through each contraction. I just walked through each contraction meditatively, listening to my footsteps in the grass, smelling the sweet bundle of clover Abby had picked for me, watching the sky.

It was beautiful how much I was able not just to walk through the sensations, but to relax, breathe and find my own rhythm. I was actually feeling joy during each contraction. Darren would time and watch me from the park bench. I felt myself getting pulled deeper into myself, into the moment. I felt stronger and more centered through every contraction. At the same time, the world seemed to be narrowing. I was less aware of my surroundings and more connected to my own breath. It was very primal. Extraneous things seemed to fall away. I suddenly wanted to go inside.

At around 10 pm I suggested we walk home. By the time we got home I could no longer talk through contractions. I shuffled laps around my kitchen and living room through each contraction until it was no longer possible to walk. When I felt I was losing confidence, I got Darren to massage me between contractions. During contractions he squeezed my hips until I couldn't feel any pain. Truly his hip squeezing took away the contractions! It was so wonderful to discover this and we laboured like that for quite a while. I felt immense power between each contraction and really was convinced I could have a natural birth.

Darren massaged me in between contractions so each contraction was met from the calmest possible place of strength within myself. Then suddenly the hip squeezes weren't helping as much and I began to feel restless. I didn't know what I needed and was frustrated not knowing what position to labour in. I started to panic a bit. We went into our dark bedroom and lay on the bed together, but laying down made me feel scared and I began to lose my ground. Suddenly the contractions were intensifying. I began to vocalize through them which really seemed to help not only with the sensation, but in staying grounded and connecting with myself and the baby. I was considering running a bath when Robyn calmly suggested we go to the hospital.

Turns out I was in active labour then and about to go into transition. I was Robyn's second birth and she thought if we didn't get to the hospital soon she'd be delivering our baby in the tub!Luckily I agreed to go to the hospital at that point as I wasn't comfortable at home anymore. At midnight we made our way to the RUH. Robyn set up the back of her van so Darren could still give me hip squeezes. Though they weren't helping as much anymore, it helped to feel the pressure and his physical support. The van windows were open and the heavy scent of rain flooded the air. My face was cooled in the wind and I sent my moans out the window. By the time we went through admissions, I was dropping on the floor and moaning "mooooore" through each contraction while Darren squeezed. At one point I thought how much my requests for "more" sounded like "mourn"!

I was conscious about the tone of my moaning and kept bringing it lower. My voice really took over through each contraction. It was as if my voice was coming from within and outside of me all at once. It really helped to block everyone/everything out except for Robyn and Darren. Despite all the commotion of doctors and nurses who were worried I'd push the baby out right there in the hallway, I really felt as if it was just Darren and Robyn and I. The three of us had such a rhythm together and their attention was so tuned into me, that it was as if we were the only ones present. They were there for me whenever and wherever I needed them. As we made our ways through hallways and elevators and assessments all I had to do was say "NOW" and they would be there squeezing my hips, encouraging me and giving me love.

During transition I really just concentrated on staying inside myself and getting through each contraction as Robyn and Lisa and Kari had all said. I felt alone in my pain, but never unsupported. I kept thinking about how close we were getting to meeting Ben. It was close to torture to go through assessment and to have an exam. I thought I'd die if I had to take a contraction on my back, but the doctor on duty wouldn't have it any other way.

Luckily I was at 8 cm and feeling the urge to push so they sent me up to labour and delivery right away. As they wheeled me through the hallways I ordered them to stop at every contraction so I could rest on my hands and knees. At one point I yelled "I'm pushing!!" as I squatted in the hallway. My entire body wanted this baby to come out but Robyn helped me to breathe in a way that helped me not to push. My vocalizations began to take on words and phrases such as "come on baby" and "I'm puuuuushing! or "it's coooommmminggggg!" The words and my voice and the tone were key to my power. All at once I felt the most powerful and the most pain I have felt in all my life. But luckily the frequency of the contractions didn't leave any room to be overcome by fear. All other intentions beyond absolute necessities got squeezed out of consciousness.

The room lost its detail. The hallways and rooms became spaces of horizontal and vertical objects. Every object was a potential support to lean on through a contraction. Objects lost their regular purpose and everything was centered around me and the baby and how we could get through this. I was able to zone in instantly on what might help us and simultaneously dismiss anything that didn't serve us any purpose.When we got to the birthing room I scoped out the bed, ripped off my gown (which was so annoying) made a tower of pillows, and leaned over it as I bore down on my hands and knees. Darren and Robyn stood on either side of the bed and pressed my hips. The contractions were at their most intense and frequent and the pressure to push was in full force.

I focused all my energy on my voice calling out and sent my energy down through my vagina. With each contraction I visualized opening up around the baby and the baby's head slipping out effortlessly as it had happened in all my birthing dreams. The pressure was tremendous and the contractions were radiating down my thighs. I didn't push with my breath but rather with my voice. I called out from as deep a place as I could. I kept waiting to feel the release that I hadn't felt the last time because I had had an epidural. Most surprising was the pleasure I was feeling. The pressure didn't hurt. In fact if it wasn't for the contractions in my thighs and hips I think with all my screaming it could have been orgasmic!

I was getting so tired but I drew energy each time from a reserve that surprised me. It was really just me and the baby at this point. Dr. Doig had arrived just as Ben was crowning and I could feel her applying a tremendous amount of counterpressure which encouraged me that we were nearly there. The whole time I was pushing I was inside and outside of myself. So powerful inside and so proud about how I was doing this from the outside. The baby's head came through and there was that release! I was there, I was nearly there!

The shoulders took one more push and at 12:53 am, just 50 minutes after arriving at the hospital, Benjamin was born. I was so exhausted and relieved I could hardly turn around and meet him. They put him in my arms immediately. He was absolutely perfect. And there we all sat, Darren, Benjamin, Robyn and I adoring him. We had done it (we had!) as naturally as we had planned.It was such an empowering experience to birth Benjamin naturally. We couldn't have planned it better.

If Dr. Doig hadn't arrived when she did I might have had a doctor who insisted I lay on my back. The nurses as it was seemed to be slightly freaked out that I opted not to have the cytocinon injection nor to have Benjamin bathed or weighed before we had held and breastfeed him and the cord had pulsed out. Unfortunately their reaction to our requests turned into a bit of a negative experience when they were convinced I was hemoraghing (though I was not) and instilled fear in me for hours after the birth that I translated in my overly-vulnerable state, that I might be dying.

Luckily Robyn stayed and reassured me for 5 hours after, rubbing my thighs and serving up Rescue Remedy as needed. Her reassurance and support from the day we met until immediately after the birth was so important. I would never attempt to have a child without at least one doula. She really helped me overcome a lot of anxiety I was harbouring from the last birth and prepare me for a new experience--an experience that turned out to be the most empowering of my life.

I am so so blessed for this baby, this birth and all the wonderful and beautiful people who loved me and honoured pregnancy and the birth experience enough to make this all happen the way it did.Thank you all!I'm including a picture of our first moments with Benjamin.


"People spend more time shopping for a car or home than they put into their births." -- Kim Wildner from the book Mother's Intention

My Birth Story

When I got pregnant with my daughter, I was excited and scared all at once. This was something I had wanted for a long time but now that it had happened I was all of a sudden fearful that I couldn’t do it. I didn’t know much about birth and only really had two stories that I had heard. My mom’s…who had a very traumatic birth with my sister, and a friend’s…who had a wonderful birth experience. When I tried to discuss birth with my mom, she didn’t want to talk about it… 30 years later and it still brought up a lot of bad memories for her. When I would hear bits and pieces of my friend’s story, I thought this is what I want for myself. I want a loving birth experience that involves me and my baby working together to bring her into this world. This is what I dreamed of, this is what I thought I was going to have.

To prepare for our birth, my husband suggested we hire a doula…this wasn’t something I knew very much about and I was reluctant to the idea. But it was something he really wanted to do, as he had met a couple doulas through his schooling and was amazed by the stories they told. In our search for a doula, it felt like it was very hard to find someone. My husband didn’t want to use the women he knew through school, as they were his instructors, and he wasn’t comfortable having a doula relationship with them (I wasn’t either). So we phoned a woman whose name we found on the internet. Unfortunately she wasn’t able to take us but suggested we meet with her partner. We did and I wasn’t overly convinced that this was for me. But we had had such a hard time finding her name that I thought there is no way we are going to find anyone else that will be able to take us, so we hired her as our doula. We met with her twice before the birth and both times my instincts were telling me this isn’t the woman for us, but I ignored them. I didn’t feel like she was providing the information we need to get through this birth…it felt more like she was simply pushing her opinions on us and putting down the medical model…the place where I had decided I wanted to have my baby. I did not feel safe, I felt scared. I feared what was going to happen once I set foot in the hospital…this evil place she talked about. My husband and I both felt like this wasn’t how we are suppose to feel with a doula…but all the research says you benefit from having the support of one during your birth…so it must be right…

I woke up around 5:00 on a Monday morning, not feeling so great. I had lots of cramps and I just new something was happening. I was really excited. That day, my husband and I did some errands and just enjoyed the day and the thought that this baby might actually be coming. Later in the afternoon, I lost my mucus plug…so I thought our baby is going to be here soon. I had a doctor’s appointment already scheduled for that day, so when we got there, my doctor checked me, only to inform me my cervix was still tightly closed and that some women can lose their mucus plug a week before they actually go into labor. I was very disappointed.

I did start having contractions late Monday evening. They were pretty mild and my husband and I spend that night trying to get some sleep, which was impossible for me as I was pretty uncomfortable. By morning, I was exhausted by the lack of sleep and the contractions were starting to get stronger. I was starting to feel like I wasn’t sure I could do this anymore, I really just wanted to sleep. So we decided to call our doula for some extra support. She arrived about an hour later and I can honestly say I do not remember what she did to comfort me. I don’t think she really spoke to me or touched me or gave me the reassurance I needed. What I remember is she was suppose to start a new job that day, so she spent some time on the phone trying to sort that out. She also spent time on the phone talking with her kids. When she wasn’t on the phone, she talked to my husband about the divorce she was going through. I was thinking, I wish you would be quiet and just leave us alone. I could see my husband felt torn between supporting me and listening to her. I just wanted her to leave. I eventually retreated to the shower, where my husband and I could just concentrate on getting through the contractions. Our doula was sitting out in the living room and all I could think about was what was she doing, I should be trying to involve her or entertain her or something.

Early in the afternoon, my contractions really started to slow down. I was feeling nauseas and my husband and our doula were telling me to eat something and drink water but I just didn’t want to. My stomach didn’t feel like it could take it. Our doula said labor will sometimes slow down for some women and that it is a great time to take a rest, so she left and I tried to sleep. But something didn’t feel right and I told my husband I wanted to go to the hospital.

At the hospital, it was determined that I was pretty dehydrated, so they hooked me up to an IV. Then came the fetal monitoring which showed that the baby was in distress…although no one explained to us why or how they came to this conclusion. The next thing I knew I wasn’t allowed to take in anymore fluids by mouth and I heard the word cesarean and the nurse telling me “its not about you anymore, it’s only about the baby”. What does that mean? What I feel is right doesn’t count? The on call doctor showed up and checked me…only 2-3cm dilated. How is that possible...I have been having contractions for the past 16 hours and I am tired. She broke my water, I felt like crawling off the table. There was some meconium.

Breaking my water did speed up my labor, along with the help of the pitocin. I can’t remember consenting to pitocin…but I must have…I was feeling so trapped. Tied to the bed with monitors and all these people around me, my husband way across the room. I can’t reach him. The resident obstetrician, is saying the anesthesiologist is here and can give me an epidural…but I don’t want one…I never asked for one. But she says just let her talk to you. Ok…maybe I should…I don’t think I can do this anymore, I can’t move, I can’t handle this pain. Why isn’t anyone helping me, why are they just making it worse? We called our doula, but when she gets there I am getting the epidural. As I wait for the needle, I am thinking, I feel so much better now that I can sit up.

The epidural kicks in and I feel relief, I can now sleep. Our doula goes home…I don’t really want her there anyway. We are suppose to call her if we need her…but we don’t…I didn’t want to. So much for sleep, with all the monitors hooked up to me. All through the night all I can feel is my sore back from being stuck in bed and the blood pressure monitor going off every 20 minutes. How am I suppose to sleep?
Early Wednesday morning…I am fully dilated and it is finally time to push. My husband and I are so excited. The moment to meet our baby has finally arrived. I can’t wait for them to lay her on my belly and for me to see and cuddle her for the first time. To see her naked little body, that has just come out of me. I push with everything in me, thinking I am doing such a great job. Vacuum? Already…I have barely pushed…I can do this, I don’t need that vacuum. The resident doctor fumbles with it over and over again; she can’t get it attached to the baby’s head. I want to tell her to stop but I can’t speak. The doctor is checking me, she can’t tell which way the baby’s head is turned. I wish everyone would stop touching me. The doctor says she has to go get the obstetrician. I want to try a different pushing position but she says wait until the obstetrician comes in. She is here, she doesn’t even say hi. She is checking me, I am told to push again. I push so hard, I know I can push this baby out. I look up and the room is full of faces…it feels like at least 20. Forceps? I never consented to forceps…I don’t want them. I look at my husband for answers…he looks shocked and scared. I am pushing but they are pulling me off the table, I can’t push like this. It all stops, I feel overwhelmed, violated. I am shaking and crying as they stitch me up. I didn’t even know they cut me. The doctor says we have to have a cesarean…I cry. They all leave the room, to let me and my husband discuss. Why are they not in a rush now…they were in such a rush to deliver the baby a couple minutes ago. Why didn’t I get to push longer before they intervened? The doctor comes back in and says we can try pushing again if you like. I am too exhausted, so we wait 45 minutes to have a cesarean…I am sure I am going to sleep through it, I am so tired.

At 10:14 on Wednesday morning our beautiful little girl was born by cesarean. I didn’t get to see her naked little body being born or cuddle her on my chest, but when they told me she had arrived I was still overwhelmed with joy that I now had a daughter. The next few days were rough. It was difficult connecting with my little girl right away, because I couldn’t take care of her the way I wanted to. But my husband was amazing. He nurtured me back to health and he gave our little girl what I couldn’t. My daughter and I eventually found our rhythm and she is the best thing that ever happened to us. My husband and I have struggled through our experience and still are, but he has been an amazing support to me and it has brought us very close as a family. We have learned so much from our daughter…who knew her arrival was going to teach us more then we can probably ever teach her in her lifetime.

My VBAC

After the birth of my daughter I knew right away that I wanted to be pregnant and give birth again. Not because I was fully ready to have more babies…or to give birth…but because I wanted a do over. My first birth was a traumatic experience and I wanted a second chance…I wanted to prove that I could give birth the way I wanted to. I knew I couldn’t get pregnant again right away because it just wouldn’t have been a smart decision…so I waited. During this time I really struggled with what I had been through…at first it was all I wanted to talk about. But nobody really understood…my husband was very supportive but it just wasn’t enough. Through a mom’s group I had joined I found out about Birth Rhythm and decided to take one of their mom and baby classes. During the class I met these women who had wonderful natural birth experiences and I ached for what they had. Kari, the doula running the class and who I had only talked on the phone with, was amazing. I instantly connected with her…she made me feel safe, important and comfortable. I barely knew her and she was giving me hugs and offering to talk about my birth over tea…I never took her up on her offer…I really wanted to but I didn’t quite have the courage to open up to anyone yet…but the offer was exactly what I needed. And I though to myself when I get pregnant again I am calling Kari.

When I did get pregnant for the second time, I was probably in avoidance for ½ of the pregnancy. Although I wanted more kids, I wasn’t truly ready to have another child…it was more a need to birth again. And when I actually thought about having another baby and giving birth again I was terrified. My brain knew what I need to do in order to birth the way I wanted to but I just wasn’t ready to go there yet. I went back and forth about whether or not I wanted a doula for this birth…my husband was very supportive either way but he said the decision was up to me. I just wasn’t sure if I could trust anyone again and part of me wanted to prove that my husband and I could do this on our own. I finally decided to take the prenatal class through Birth Rhythm. When I started reading the books from class every time they talked about the cons of different medical interventions all I could think was that happened to me. It really hit home and got me thinking and motivated to take an active role in this pregnancy and birth. And for me that meant stop avoiding my first birth experience, start facing my fears and allow myself to ask for support. Every night after class I would come home and write in my journal or talk my husband’s ear off about all the new insights I was having. I felt so light…like a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders. I was beginning to trust my body and my intuition again. I looked forward to class every week…it was such a safe place…its hard to describe how I felt when I attend class…except safe, supported and surrounded by the excitement of birth. Even though I don’t think I ever told them…as I usually just sat back and listened, taking everything in…Kari and Lisa’s trust in the birth process was amazing to me. I can’t even begin to describe what they did for me. They supported me without feeling sorry for me. They made me feel strong, believed in and heard. They trusted in my birth, which allowed me to trust in it as well. Their support beforehand and Kari and my husband’s support during my labor truly allowed me to have a beautiful birth experience…

I woke up on Tuesday morning, after a great night’s sleep, feeling a little funny. I was having some minor cramping and contractions about 20 minutes apart. After we got our daughter off to daycare and my husband went to work, I tried to rest but I couldn’t really get comfortable. Things were pretty mild at this point and I wasn’t 100% sure I was in labor but I thought I might be. So I cleaned the bathrooms….I didn’t want to labor in a dirty bathroom… and got ready for the day. I was able to walk and talk through the contractions for most of the morning. I was suppose to go for a massage at my husband’s work later that morning but phoned to tell him I wasn’t going to make it because I still wasn’t feeling that great. Plus it was snowing and I didn’t want to venture out. He asked me if he needed to come home but I didn’t think so yet. I think I was still in denial that I was actually in labor. He did come home for lunch and was planning to go back to work but we decided he should stay home and rest…in case we had a long night ahead of us. In the early afternoon I couldn’t walk or talk through the contractions anymore, but they were still bearable and about 7 minutes apart. I sat in the rocking chair in the baby’s room, focusing on the contractions and talking to my soon to arrive baby. I felt so relaxed, safe and connected to the little one inside of me. I was feeling very determined to allow my body to do what it need to do in order to birth my baby. My husband was watching TV and would come and check on me every once in awhile. But for the most part I just wanted to be alone with my baby. About mid-afternoon we started to make plans as to where our daughter was going to spend the night. This required a few phone calls, which caused me to become a little unfocused, and I started to feel flustered and less in control. The contractions were becoming stronger and were harder to get through. My husband and I tried different techniques to help with the pain but nothing seemed to work. Every time he touched me it felt like it made the contraction stronger. The contractions were all in my belly and it felt like it was ripping apart. So for the next little while, we just sat together and my husband talked me through the pain. At around 6:30, I was starting to lose control. I couldn’t find a comfortable position…nothing seemed to help. I just wanted to get into the bath tub, but I was scared it was going to slow down labor. I wasn’t sure if I was past 4 cm yet as the contractions were still 4 to 6 minutes apart. My husband checked me and figured I was 4-6cm dilated. Thank god… I am getting in the tub. He was also pretty excited because he said he could feel the baby’s head. So I got into the tub and my husband phoned Kari. She said she would come over whenever we were ready, but we thought we’d wait and try the bath first. I thought this is going to relax me and take away the pain. But it didn’t. I couldn’t bear the pain when I was lying down and the tub was too small to be on my hands and knees…my husband phoned for Kari to come. I am so thankful she was there, as I am sure at this point we would have gone to the hospital if we didn’t have her. I knelt on the floor and leaned on our bed trying to breath through each contraction, but they were becoming almost unbearable. They would come on so fast and so strong but were still only 5 minutes apart. I’m going to be doing this all night…I don’t think I can. Kari arrives. She talks me through the contractions…I am able to relax and cope a little bit better…her support is amazing. But then I start to feel some pressure and there are 3 contractions one right after another. I can’t do this anymore…it feels like the baby is going to fall out. Kari says we should go to the hospital. I don’t want to move but I have to…how am I going to make it out to the car…I wish I could stay home. Why was I too scared to have a baby at home? Its cold out, I am shaking uncontrollably. The ride seems to take forever. Is the baby really coming…the contractions still seem so far apart and my water hasn’t broken…I can’t do this all night…the pain is becoming unbearable. Kari hugs me in the backseat keeping me warm and calm as my husband drives. I notice it’s snowing and icy out. We are at the hospital…I just got to get inside…it’s so hard to move. Kari takes me in and my husband parks the car. Another contraction…I hold on to her…it’s so hard to stay standing. The line ups look so long in emergency…I don’t think I can wait…how am I going to wait. Another contraction…I can’t get away from the pain…it seems like there is no where to find comfort. I want to push. Kari is wheeling me up to assessments and my husband stays behind to register…where is my husband…he is going to miss something. Another contraction. I can’t sit in this wheelchair…I need to push. We get to assessments and they send us straight to delivery. There is so much commotion. Someone says take off your pants and get on the bed. I do. I am on my hands and knees…my water breaks…what relief…I really need to push. I am told to turn over. I can’t move…I don’t want anyone to touch me. There’s my husband’s voice…he made it. My husband and Kari help me turn over…the nurse checks me…I am 10 cm. I can push. I feel the baby moving with each push…oh god this hurts…I just want him out. I thought the pushing would feel better. The contractions are ripping me apart. I feel Kari’s hand on my back helping me to push correctly. There is so much pressure. I can hear my husband…his voice full of so much amazement and excitement…he can see the head. Did the baby just go all the way back in…I thought he was almost out…is he almost out? I am groaning…I must be so loud. They tell me to open my eyes and look at the head. Is that my body…I am really doing this. I push…the head is out…where was the burn…I thought it was suppose to burn…one more push and out comes the body…so fast. Such relieve. It’s a boy. I look down…he looks so little…I’m holding him…I did it…I can’t believe I did it. He is perfect….oh god what relief…I can’t believe he’s already here. I can’t believe I am holding his naked little body. Kari stays by my side. I feel safe, taken care of. I watch my husband, as he stays with our baby boy…so excited to be a dad for the second time.

After our 7lb 6oz little boy was born, I remember saying that it was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. Not because it wasn’t painful or tiring or emotional. But because I felt safe, loved and in control. I was strong and my body did what it was made to do. I guess part of me didn’t believe it could be different than my first birth experience. Part of me didn’t fully believe natural childbirth was possible. But it is and I am so thankful to have had experienced it. And I am so thankful for the support I had along the way from my husband and Kari. They gave me the confidence and determination to use my voice in order to have the birth experience I wanted. After going through my first birth, I definitely see this pregnancy and birth experience as a precious gift. It helped to heal many wounds and allowed me to trust in my body and intuition again.

A Doula : The MUST HAVE for Expecting Parents

A Doula : The MUST HAVE for Expecting Parents

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